Blessed with Nothing

For as long as I can remember I have always associated being blessed with receiving things. Until recently.

It just hit me today that me and Tyler have been blessed by NOT getting what we want.

For the past year, we have been toying with the idea of buying a house. We started looking, planning, and saving(kind of). The market has been so good and it would be such a great time to buy. Along with the hope and excitement of possibly being home owners, came the stress and anxiety. Would we be able to afford everything that goes along with owning? What if one of us loses our job? Do I want to work once I have babies? Will I HAVE to work? Will Tyler mow the lawn? Lots of questions.

I needed to build my credit in order for us to even qualify for a home loan. I applied for a credit card. Got denied because I have no credit. I started to get a little frustrated(apparently it doesn't take much for me to give up).

We stopped house hunting and that's when I realized something.

I don't need a house. I don't need added stress and debt. I am just fine with renting. All we need is somewhere to sleep, eat and make glorious memories. It's even kind of fun to make bets on if our land lord hates more than she did last week.

More rooms and more land won't make us any happier.

After we stopped looking was when I finally felt peace and calm.

It's not the right time and I am so glad that I recognized that.

Not having a home feels good.

For the past eight months we have been trying to get pregnant. Once you have the yearning, it doesn't go away. You feel like there is some piece of you heart missing. You always think that when you're ready for kids it will just happen cause that's what you're made to do. It's really really hard to know that it doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to everyone around me. I can make you feel like there is something wrong with you. It can make you resent and covet and not be happy for those around you who have kids. Those are ugly feelings that I hate having. It really tries your faith and your willingness to submit to the will of the Lord. Somethings cannot be controlled by me. Every so often something happens that makes me realize we are blessed to not have a baby right now. Through this struggle I have come to want children for such different reasons than I did inititally. Which I know was supposed to happen. I have such a different outlook on motherhood all together. I know that we will be able to have children someday. When it's right for US.

It's so strange to think that there is someone that knows our situation even better than we do. But it's true. I didn't learn this until I was forced to learn it. I am so glad I know it now.

I love the church so much I could cry right now! But I won't. Cause I'm at work.

Commoners

You know when you're talking to someone and they are trying to explain their friend that they want you to meet? This is what happens in my head.

person: oh my gosh, I can't wait for you to meet my friend. You will just love her. She is soo cute and funny.

my brain: why would I want to meet a girl that is cuter or funnier than ME?

You know when your teacher in Young Women's tell you to make a choice ahead of time that you're not going to drink alcohol or get pregnant outside of marriage?
I usually decide ahead of time that I don't like things when people tell me that I will love them.

54 Attempts

Not Victoria. But who needs her when you have Court?

I guess you have to say you love it cause it's not like I can just wind my arm and make the hair grow back.
Kristy Henderson, you're a hair goddess.

Idiot?

Doin' this today at 3. Minus the hieroglyphics.

I am freaking out

Saturday. Saturdaaay. Saturday.

How would I sum up my summer? Yard Sales.
My personal style takes a hit or two but my butt thanks me.

My Ty

pulled up to a car that was playing the new Jason Mraz cd

Me: aww Jason!
Ty: How come he never comes here for concerts?
Me: He does. Don't you remember he came like 2 months ago and I couldn't go?
Ty: Oh yea. Didn't you cry? haha

Sweetie Pie

Best

PROVO -- Provo police arrested a man who is accused of attacking a woman at her yard sale last Friday.
According to the Deseret News, police say the man grabbed the woman's hair, pulled her head backward, then kissed and licked the woman's face. They say he also tried to pour Gatorade in her mouth. A police affidavit claims he fondled her as she tried to get away.
The woman ran into her apartment near 500 North and 100 East and locked the door. She says the man followed her and tried to get in. She grabbed a gun and called for help.
When officers arrived, Jeronimo Sanchez-Tolentino, 44, said he didn't touch the woman except for giving her a high five.
He was arrested and booked into the Utah County Jail on charges of sex abuse and intoxication.

hahaha hive five, really? Good cover story man. hahahahahaahha

Bruised Knees

Why is it such a big deal when I show up to work with shorts on? They're not even short. They're total Mormon shorts. Do my knees really attract that much attention? This happened today. Just found out what 'Mrs' stands for. It's short for mistress which is the feminine word for mister.
I wrote my first article for the "Organic Girls" blog. I'll make sure to tell everyone when it gets posted because I love the attention. Make sure to only tell me how good and funny I am. I went up to Salt Lake to hang out with Steff last weekend and it just made me realize how much I love Provo. Yes, it's a bubble and we are so very sheltered, but I like being sheltered. What good comes out of being exposed to all that is evil and dirty? I like to feel safe. Who wouldn't? But then I started thinking, we are only sheltered if we want to be. We went to Denny's to get fake breakfast and I saw a homeless guy eating. It scared me and grossed me out and made me hold my breath and made me not want to eat anymore. I know that's mean but it's true. I like seeing people that have homes. It's just better for everyone.

One day my kids will appreciate this

FILL IT OUT! Learn 49 things about your friends, and let them learn 49 things about you!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes, any cheese is good cheese. Unless it's head cheese.

2. Your Favorite Shoes? All of them

3. Do you own a gun? One day.

4. Your favorite song? At the moment. 'Details in the Fabric' by Jason Mraz.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Always. It's that dang "doctor" smell.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they are green before they dye them red. Veggie dogs though...great.

7. Favorite Christmas song? 'Mary did you know?' by Clay Aiken

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Wa wa

9. Can you do push ups? yes

10. Are you afraid of flying? No. I love airport smell.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Wedding ring.

12. Favorite hobby? people

13. Animals: love them or hate them? Are you kidding? You don't know me at all.

14. Do you have ADD? One time I took one of Tyler's pills to stay awake but it just calmed me down.

15. What do you hate about yourself? red face, nervous sweating, awkwardness

16. What is your middle name? J.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I love music, I wanted those yams, I have 80's curls

18. What's your favorite number? 5

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? wawa, Odwala, Fuze

20. Current worry right now? getting preg

21. Current hate right now? people with babies

22. Favorite place to be? in bed with Ty.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? Guitar Hero and Nate Jepson.

24. Where would you like to go? a rodeo

25. Name three people who will complete this? I don't care

26. Do you own slippers? duh

27. What shirt are you wearing? black lace

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? sick.

29. Can you whistle? no, my biggest failure in life

30. Favorite color? that's like picking a favorite child.

31. Would you be a pirate? in a second

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? why would I do that?

33. Favorite girl's name? Can't say. People like to steal names.

34. Favorite boy's name? did you not see question 33?

35. What's in your pocket right now? my pocket

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Debbie Wawro

37 . Best bed sheets as a child? Rainbow Bright

38. Worst injury you've ever had? one time I burnt both sides of my face in the exact same spot with a curling iron. In the same curl session.

39. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1

40. Who is your loudest friend? Steff

41. How many dogs do you have? 1, but he's more of a deer/Master Splinter.

42. Does someone have a crush on you? who doesn't

43. Favorite Book? After I get done reading a book, I forget everything about it. But I do love them in the moment.

44. Partying hard or Laying low? Partying low

45. What is your favorite candy? Circus Peanuts

46. Favorite Sports team? you know I don't speak spanish

47.What were you doing 12 AM last night? in bed with Tyler

49. If you are married, where did you meet your WIFE/HUSBAND? I met him when I was in 8th grade. He was my best friend's sister's boyfriend. He came running in Dixon after school to beat up her boyfriend. Love at first sight.

No car, no cry

We made it. We finally made our LAST payment on that stupid, break down every second, burning hot leather seats Volkswagen Jetta. I thought that thing would be the death of me. We are slaves to that thing no longer. I can't tell you how good that feels. Yes I can. It feels dang good. DANG good. Oh and you know how it took me like 3 years to pay off my Victoria's Secret card? Yeah, well it did. I got that card when I was 18 and I only bought a 'Pink' jacket and sweats. Yeah, 3 years. But I finally paid it off a few weeks ago.
I am a debt free woman. Dang good.

Beggers can't be choosers

Sitting in the big field next to our house(Miss Giles basement) watching the fireworks. The fireworks would go off, and I could hear people at the MTC field cheering and clapping.

It made me think that the Stadium is like the royal kingdom and the rest of us are like the poor, lowly peasants eating the scraps.

Organic Chics

I am kind of weirded out right now.
There is this girl named, April. She has a blog where she makes blog layouts and designs for other people's blog. And, she is hilarious. She is starting a new blog called 'Organic Girls'. It's all about being organic with food, clothes, and other "green" things.

I saw on her blog that she was looking for five writers to be regulars on this blog and to write a weekly article about various "Going Green" topics. I contacted her and told her that I was totally interested in being one of the writers. After I clicked 'send', I instantly regretted my decision.
I don't know anything about writing! No one cares what I have to say about organic foods! She will tell me "thanks but no thanks" and then I will feel like an idiot. Plus, we all know how I am with commitments and deadlines....
Turns out, she thought I would be perfect for the job.
So yeah, I feel kind of cool. I will write my first article within the next week or so. Once we get the new site up and going, I will post it here. I even get to have my head shot and a little cartoon Courtney on the blog. This could be bad or good.

Wish me luck I guess.