Gratitude is usually easy to feel but it gets a little bit harder when you wake up every two hours to reposition your mound of pillows that surround your ever expanding body. So that's fun.
Being 5 weeks away from having a baby is so weird. Like this thing is coming out soon. Since I'm only a handful of weeks away from bringing a baby home, it's probably time to get a nursery set up. I just painted her room this weekend and maybe I'll set the crib up soon. It's not like she cares what the room looks like anyway and she doesn't even need a crib until she starts to move a lot in her sleep. We have a really big couch that she will like until then. Our dog seems to love it. I think instead of going through that Nesting phase, I'm going through Apathying. I don't care about most things these days. But not in a depressive way this time. I'm finding it hard to care about being social, being nice, being tactful, and working. Which maybe isn't so far off from my normal self. hmm.
But. I have been super needy and whiny. I am obsessed with Tyler lately. Like I am acting like we just started dating and I have to sit right next to him all day. And when I go to the grocery store, I just get flustered cause he isn't there to be practical and help us buy "meal food" so I end up just buying veggie corn dogs and frozen fruit. If someone invites me to go somewhere without him, I dread it because thinking about being away from Tyler for more than 30 minutes makes me want to pass out. What if I have a really good joke or I see someone trip and he can't be there to laugh with me?
I have been thinking about not letting people come see us in the hospital after she is born because I don't want anyone else to hold her. But then I realize that I am really going crazy for sure. So even if I hate that you're holding my baby for too long, I'll probably just look at Tyler so he can give me the "it's OK, calm down" look and I'll get over it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
the fine line between damn and thanks
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3 comments:
I still get pissed when people hold Grace. Why would they want to hold her anyway? She's mine. Anyway, not feeling like being nice to people never went away for me. And I'm super excited for you. Please call me when you have her, so I can come hold her. hahahahahaha
Um... Courtney...? I think we are secretly the same...your post here kinda freaked me out like you see how I live....lol
I now LOVE sharing baby #2 but for the first one it was mama bear instincts all the way!!
I loved your not depression but apathy description - so me right now and this year with being prego for most of it! We're about to buy a HOUSE out here! Like in 2 weeks and i just want to get out of my 2bd apt NOW! I don't even want to pack I just want to LEAVE!
Soooo excited for this GORGEOUS baby girl to arrive!! Love you and so excited for you both to become parents!!! Lemme know if you need anything (like deep dark embarrassing questions answered) cassie.walter{at}gmail.com of course you have Caitlin and Dee but ya never know! ;)
Ohhh Courtney. haha I had so many visitors in the hospital, but was so out of it, it didnt really effect me. Until I started going places and visiting family and it was pass the baby around game.. id get so frustrated but couldnt say anything, because I knew they just wanted to get to know the newest member of the family. The only thing that got under my skin was when she would cry, and they thought they could calm her down themselves, umm ya just give me baby. haha I love how much you need and want tyler, and how you dont want any visitors, you and tyler are going to be the most amazing parents. love you!! :)
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