Give me my Disability!

I work at a Disability Law Firm and all day I talk to people who are calling in to begin the disability claim process. My job is to see if it is a claim that our office will help them with.
I have NEVER been so entertained at work. Not one second of my job bores me.
Most of the time people are calling me but sometimes I call people who filled out a little form about what their condition is on our website.
Keep in mind that we will only accept conditions that will at least last 12 months for example; Cancer, Lupus, Depression, Degenerative Disc Disease, etc. Also keep in mind that most of these folks are from North and South Carolina, West Virginia, Texas, Georgia and Pennsylvania.

 I have been collecting the following phrases that have really given me hope for our future generations.

Without further ado:

"I keep hurting my muscles and my back"
"I can't read and write"
"I have six fingers on one hand"
"I have good health besides what is going on with my body"
"I have a mental condition, I'm disorderly"
"I am BIOpolar"
"I was 5'7 but now I'm 5'6"
"Can I get a disability grant to fix my car?"
"I had heatstroke in 98'"
"The bottoms of my feet hurt when I walk"
"She can't work because she is slow and ill"

(The next one is horrible but I have to post it)

Me: "How does having Sickle Cell affect your ability to work?"
Client: "My Ding Dong gets real hard in the morning and it takes a long time for it go down so I can't work a morning job"

"I get real sweaty"
"I've committed suicide a few times"
"I've already hung myself"
"Somebody just called me and said that I had diabetes"
"Shaken Leg Syndrome"