great folks

sometimes or everyday I think about how hard my life is and how busy I am and how I would give anything to just stay home and have even the CHANCE to be bored for once. Also, sometimes or everyday I think about why I'm the one who had to get sick and why I'm the one with a husband who has a hurty back.
Sometimes I think about these things but then sometimes Pioneer Day just shows up out of nowhere and reminds me how big of an idiot I am.
Can you even imagine how much I would complain if I had to leave my cool house and WALK all the way across the country? I'd like to think I'd be valiant and steadfast and a great leader but really. I'd be the worst.


There was no such thing as a 2 day hospital stay when you had to give birth. You just had to squat down somewhere along the way, push that baby out and then just keep walking some more.

There were no Harmon's they could just swing by when the pioneers were sick of eating flour for every meal.

Sometimes for me, being sick means that I can't drive. Pioneers never got to ask, "should I take the car or the scooter tonight?"

I HATE when the hem of my pants get wet during the winter. Pioneer women didn't even have pant. They probably didn't even have socks.

To them, Angry Birds probably meant dying from the bird flu.

When I get off work on Sunday mornings at 7am, I only get 5 hours of sleep until I have to get up for church.
When there were packs of wolves lurking around the pioneer's campsites and night, they probably got 1 second of sleep.


All I'm saying is, we are pretty dang lucky. I may not have the coolest stripes for the season but at least I have clothes. I may not have all the time that I wish I had but at least I can be 99% sure that I will be alive tomorrow.

Hats off to the pioneers. Ya'll are some tough mothas.

uncontrolled happy

Dude.

We're having a girl.

I have never been so happy.

Something smells fishy.

I am officially into my second trimester. It's still weird that I, me, Courtney am talking about being pregnant. It feels so foreign and slightly creepy. I don't feel pregnant. Besides my daily emotional outbursts over Tyler not letting me quit school and work, things are pretty normal around here.

I promise you there is a a rule somewhere that says once you get knocked up, you're only obligation is to grow a human. Some people have clearly missed that memo. I'm not giving up. I'd much rather be bored by my own choice.

A kid at school asked me if he could punch my baby and then I asked him if I could punch his face. It got a laugh but I still wonder about that boy. Already people are trying to get all up in my stomach business and touch it. I keep telling them it's still just my fat but they refuse to believe me. Annoying.

If we want, we can find out if we're having a boy or girl at 15-16 weeks. There is a guy in our ward who does ultrasounds and he gives all the pregnant women free ones. What a treat. He has only been wrong once but maybe he's only done 12 ultrasounds in his career thus far.

This means we can find out in like 2 weeks. I wanted a boy for a month or so but then my mom gave me a giant box full of baby girl clothes she got from a gal at work and now I'll be mad if it's not a girl. I'm allowed to say that because I'll only be mad until the boy is born. Then I'll be forced to love him regardless.

My mom, dad, brothers, sister and BIL gave Tyler tile for his birthday this year. They changed out our yellow, 50's style linoleum flooring for new, CLEAN tile in the kitchen. It was a marathon of work for these poor people. I have a feeling they all slightly resent us for not being able to help. I would say we helped a lot. We kept moral up with Diet Mountain Dew and Havarti cheese.

I have to remind myself that I don't need to tip-toe through caked on dirt the kitchen anymore.
My mom said that she totally over helping us MSers and back injury folks with yard work and household repairs. It's all for the baby now. I have a feeling I won't be the center of attention once this thing is born. I am not liking where this is going already.
Time to step my jokes.

I have a friend who is struggling with infertility.I hope she is cool with me calling her my friend. We shared a few classes together and Independence High School and that shiz bonds people for life.

She was able to have 3 boys on her own but as of late, her body isn't cooperating.

She and her husband are in the process of adopting and this a letter she wrote to herself.

I immediately thought of someone close to me who is also going through a similar story.

Dear Taylor,

You are a good mom. You love your children.

Heavenly Father knew that you could handle this trial.

He CHOSE you.

It is hard.

You can do hard things.

Sometimes when you feel your blood boil, and you want to scream at the top of your lungs,

"IT'S NOT FAIR"

It's ok.

Because it's not fair.

Life is not fair.

And that is what makes it all so beautiful!

You are right, it would be far easier to have a body that works.

But yours does not.

And even though you are learning and growing so much because of it,

sometimes the pain feels like it might suffocate you.

But your infertility is not about you.

It is not an attack of your character.

It is not a punishment for something you have done.

It is not because you are incapable of being a great mother to many.

You are not broken on accident.

Heavenly Father did not skip over you because you were undeserving.

You were not forgotten.

Instead, He hand chose you out of the crowd, and precisely changed you to be the person you

are.

I believe he took you aside, put his arm around you, and with tears streaming down his very

own face, knowing it will break your heart, asked if you if could carry this burden.

He promised you would never be alone. And he would bless you!

But, he would need to make you differently.

Not to break you.

But to create miracles for your eyes to see.

Every day.

You were not stripped of the most sacred act of multiplying and replenishing to your hearts

content, because you were not worth it to be made whole.

You may feel broken, and forgotten, in your divine right of motherhood.
But you were made from scratch!

Everything you have been given, has been given by God.

"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Cry until your soul hurts. Because it is hard.

But don't ever feel broken.

The baby loves this possibly more than me

Minute 3:17. Perfection.

Original Scent

We heard babies heartbeat today.
Kind of heavy.

My nurse/midwife sent me to get an ultrasound to make sure the babe was growing OK. You know, MS has been known to eff things up in the past.

She told me that I need to drink 32 oz. of water an hour before the ultrasound so my bladder would push my uterus closer to the surface.
I was trying really hard to cry and act really sentimental but all I could think about was peeing in my purse.
It didn't help that the tech was smashing the wand thing into my stomach.
Actually, I don't blame her. This sounds like the best joke and best job.
To be there while a couple is sharing a monumental moment and to see these desperate pregnant women trying really hard not to pee the whole time.

Genius job.

December 18th is my due date but only 5% of babies actually come on their due date so I'm not even believing this.
I'll let baby decide.

A lot of my graveyard shifts constist of me viewing dance videos on YouTube. I prefer watching the dances from America's Best Dance Crew. These videos always make me happy and get my pumped up. I don't what it is but, watching these videos always make me feel like I can dance that well. They make it look so seamless.

Every once in a while, I try a few of these moves but I just hurt myself instead.
Then I look around to make sure that the kids in their cells aren't watching me.

just call me Michael Moore

As I learn more and more about child birth and labor, the more it fascinates me. I can't get enough information, can't watch enough documentaries and can't help but talk about it to everyone I come in contact with. It's such a complex and simple thing.

My head is constantly spinning.

This is what I want from you.

I want to know about the experience you had with breastfeeding.

More specifically, I want to hear from the people that had troubles with breastfeeding.

I want to know if you were induced or went into labor.

I want to know if you had a C-section or natural.

I want to know if you had an epidural or pain killer free.

I want to know what the reasons were that it was difficult(milk wouldn't come in, baby wouldn't latch, etc.)

I am doing a mini study in my brain and trying to figure some things out.

After I get the response I'm looking for, I will put it all together and let you in on if my theory is correct.

Help a sista out.

status: happy

I love you all.

Thank you so much for your sharing your experiences and

giving advice.

Prayers are answered and I found a group of certified nurse midwives that accept my insurance plan. They are at New Beginnings in Orem right next to Orem Community Hospital. I will be getting all of my prenatal care through them and they will also be the ones to deliver my babe. I will be delivering in the labor and delivery section of Orem Community and they have back up physicians in case of emergencies.

AND..since I am TRIPLE covered by insurance(I guess I should thank Obama and my mom for that) I anticipate paying very little out of pocket for this event. woo.hoo.

I am the happiest girl.

p.s. Becca, I so wish you lived down here because I would LOVE to have you as my doula.

calling all woah-men

Hope-I want a natural birth. My dream delivery story would be a water birth at home with a midwife.

Problem-my insurance won't cover midwifes, Birthing Centers, etc...

I feel strongly about doing a natural child birth.
I feel strongly about Hypno-birthing.
I also feel strongly about a water birth.

None of these things are covered. If I want any of these things, I will have to pay for them myself.

I know that I have the option of going to the hospital to have my baby and just passing on the epidural but I'm quickly learning that once your in the grips of those nurses and docs, you almost have no say in what happens with your body/birth.
A lot of these "necessary" interventions such as Pitocin, really aren't necessary 95% of the time. It just speeds things up for the hospitals timeline so they can get you in and out asap in order for another woman to take your place.
Hospitals are a business and they're goal is to make money.

Okay, wow...

I need to calm down.

Please watch The Business of Being Born if you want to know exactly what I'm talking about. It's on Netflix. If you want, we can even have a party at my house and watch it together. We can all dress up like babies too.

This is my cry for help.

I know I am still in the early early stages of pregnancy but I want to start planning now.
Most women that I have spoken with have only gone through the "traditional" labor so I don't know a lot about the kind of birth I want and how possible that is in the county of Utah.

If you or anyone you know has done a home birth, water birth, natural birth, Hypno-birthing, used midwives, Doualas, etc., please let me know!

I'm thinking that it might come down to money and that I'll have to just suck it up and use a regular doctor but I still want to know if there are any docs out there who are willing to work around your birth plan and who are willing to listen to what you want.

PLEASE. I'M BEGGING.

Right now I have an appointment with the group of doctors at Utah Valley Obstetrics. Dr. Wolsey, Rees, Gamette, Thorpe, Jacobs, Broeberg, etc.
When I spoke to the nurse on the phone, I got the feeling that she wasn't so keen the idea of natural anything.
Does anyone have experience with these peeps?

I need your help!

something cool

I've never been able to keep a secret. I think that makes me a bad friend.

So this is me not keeping a secret after only knowing it for 24 hours.

I am totally knocked up.

I feel like I'm faking it and someone is going to catch me in my lie any minute.

After 2+ years we FINALLY get one of those cute, tiny humans everyone else has.

After I saw the results of the test, I had to take the instructions out of the box to make sure that a plus sign really means positive.

I went insane for a second.

Then I screamed for Tyler and he pretended he didn't know what a plus sign meant.

Then we would laugh hysterically, stare off into the distance, not talk to each other and say, "what the heck?" for the following 4 hours.