Jarman is the New Black

Deets. Lowdown. FYI.

2012-01-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

After cleaning up projectile vomit, I have finally found time to write about Scarlet's birth story...

oh geeze. Where to begin...

At 10 am on Sunday morning my first contraction woke me up. I had just gotten off of my graveyard shift at 6 am so at this point I had gotten about 3.5 hours of sleep. I wasn't really sure if these hurty feelings were real contractions or not because, duh, I had never had a baby before. Three days earlier my midwife said I was 90% effaced and dilated to a 4. Scarlet wasn't due until the 18th but I wasn't shocked that she might be coming early.

She heard her dad begging her not to come until her due date so he could finish his finals so she thought it would be hilarious to come during finals week instead.

After about an hour, I woke Tyler up and told him I thought maybe I was possibly having contractions. He grabbed the laptop and Googled the phrase "False Labor" trying to convince all of us that it wasn't going to happen this day. He tried to get me to time the contractions but I hate math and I couldn't figure out how. Guessing is always good enough for me. Finally after him telling me over and over again that I was experiencing false labor I said, "Tyler, this baby is coming today". Then I went to go pack the hospital bag and to text my mom for the tenth time to see what I should do next.

At noon my mom told me since my contractions were around a minute apart, I should go to the hospital. So we did. As we were driving there, I realized I didn't have my ipod with me so it was pertinent that we turn around and get it. Apparently I forgot to charge it so it didn't even matter.

We arrived at Orem Community Hospital in record time. 4 minutes. Doesn't hurt that we live a mile away. Before they took me back into my room, the lady made me stop laboring so I could read and sign something. People can be so selfish sometimes.

They checked me and said I was dilated to a 4 1/2 and 100% effaced so I could stay. Contractions were bad at this point but I wasn't feeling like going crazy. Yet. Tyler asked me if I wanted him to call my mom so she could come. He did and she was already in the waiting room. hahahaha. Oh mom.

It's hard to say exactly what happened next because I declined any pain medication and, yep, I was feeling some pain. I had seen millions of natural child birth videos online so I thought I knew my stuff. I even took a class about how to labor naturally and what the most effective tactics are. There's one problem. Once your actually in labor and you feel like dying would be easier, you're not thinking about birthing balls and baths anymore. I had my mom and Tyler there tirelessly trying to remind me to breathe through each contraction. I was convinced they didn't know what they were talking about. There was nothing that could ease this pain. I tried yelling. That didn't work. I tried swearing and although psychologically it helped, physically, it didn't do a thing. After a few hours, I finally figured out what it meant to breath through the contraction. I had to completely go inside myself and shut everything else out. Intense man. Intense. Meditation style intense.

We also tried playing my "Birth Playlist". I don't what I was thinking when I made that list. FYI- hard rock music makes you feel insane when you're choosing to labor without drugs. So I would say it worked but could have been better.

I don't remember the exact sequence of things but sometime between 2 and 5, my midwife, Jennifer Cook showed up. Oh dear was she amazing! So motherly and had such a calming presence. Again, the timeline of things aren't clear but she checked me and I was a six and stayed that way for an hour or two. My bag of water was so ready to break but since it hadn't yet and I wanted desperately to progress, they broke it for me. Never in my life had I felt such relief in wetting the bed.

At this point I was feeling delirious with each contraction-which were almost on top of one another. Jennifer asked if she could try some counter pressure on me to see if that would help. She moved the bed so it was as if I was sitting on stairs and my feet were resting on the step below the one I was sitting on. Does that even make sense? With each contraction, she would push my knees into the back of the bed. Sounds weird but it was instant relief. For the next 3 hours it was either her or Tyler that had to do this through each contraction. Poor Ty was doing it so long that his muscles were shaking just trying to keep me sane. My midwife and everyone else left the room and left me and Tyler alone for 2 hours to let us have some time together. Within that 2 hour gap I dropped the F bomb and told Tyler I wanted to die. It was magical. During my labor, I seriously considered getting an epidural but the thought of sitting still long enough for anyone to touch me made me want to go on a murderous rampage. So that was out of the question.

Maybe it was before the counter pressure that Jennifer pulled out her essential oils. I was skeptical at first but Citrus Bliss was my new BFF through the rest of labor. One whiff of this goodness and my hyperventilation stopped dead in it's track. At one point, I tried a few different labor positions and if possible, I wanted even more to die. I got back into my sitting-on-the-stairs position and then decided I'd try lying on my side to see if baby would turn so we could get this show on the road. It was painful and I felt like barfing but she turned and things were moving along even faster! The nausea wore off after a sniff of some Peppermint oil. People listen, you might think those folks that try to sell you on buying essential oils are nut jobs but it's because they KNOW that this stuff works. Listen to them and use them.

About an hour before showtime, I got up to go to the bathroom and saw that my sister, Meagan had shown up to see the miracle of natural labor( sorry I traumatized you for life). The nurses really wanted me to pee but I couldn't-she was just standing there staring at me! Since I wouldn't put on a show for the nurse, they punished me by making me use a catheter. I felt like one of those people on those weird catheter commercials. Turns out their punishment didn't have the effect they wanted it to because it didn't even hurt so there!

My midwife checked me right before going to the bathroom and I was dilated to a 9 1/2ish so she said once I'm out, I could start pushing. I started feeling the need to push which I always thought was fake. Turns out, it's not. I started to push but didn't really know what it meant to push so I'm pretty sure for the first 15 minutes I was just making push faces. I loved how gently Tyler was yelling at me to push. It actually felt good to push. I don't remember even feeling pain when she came out. After I got the hang of what it meant to push, the Mom and Scarlet Team were unstoppable!

Scarlet Jarman was born at 6:08 p.m. I wanted to do skin-to-skin right after she was born and it was heaven. When they put her on me she was the tiniest, warmest, most beautiful thing in the world. The nurses commented on how alert and present she was. I was so elated and had so much adrenaline running through my veins, I couldn't even cry. Which is fine because my sweat had already wiped off most of my mascara.

The look I saw on Tyler's face was my most favorite thing. He loved her instantly.

As wonderful as I've made the natural route sound and after going through 8 hours of it. I really wouldn't have it any other way. I am so proud of myself and I now know how strong I really am. My baby and I listened to each other and truly worked as a team to get her here. I think every women should go through this at least once. The most empowering feeling you will ever have.

Plus, it feels so good to say "In yo face!" to everyone who thought I would't do it.

As nuts as some may think it is, I might even do it again.

This ridiculous obsession with love

2011-12-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

FOR THE RECORD..

2011-12-17T21:41:00.000-08:00

...I had a baby on December 11th at 6:08 p.m. and she is beautiful and nice.

Scarlet (no middle name because we agreed to disagree) Jarman

the fine line between damn and thanks

2011-11-07T23:33:00.001-08:00

Gratitude is usually easy to feel but it gets a little bit harder when you wake up every two hours to reposition your mound of pillows that surround your ever expanding body. So that's fun.
Being 5 weeks away from having a baby is so weird. Like this thing is coming out soon. Since I'm only a handful of weeks away from bringing a baby home, it's probably time to get a nursery set up. I just painted her room this weekend and maybe I'll set the crib up soon. It's not like she cares what the room looks like anyway and she doesn't even need a crib until she starts to move a lot in her sleep. We have a really big couch that she will like until then. Our dog seems to love it. I think instead of going through that Nesting phase, I'm going through Apathying. I don't care about most things these days. But not in a depressive way this time. I'm finding it hard to care about being social, being nice, being tactful, and working. Which maybe isn't so far off from my normal self. hmm.
But. I have been super needy and whiny. I am obsessed with Tyler lately. Like I am acting like we just started dating and I have to sit right next to him all day. And when I go to the grocery store, I just get flustered cause he isn't there to be practical and help us buy "meal food" so I end up just buying veggie corn dogs and frozen fruit. If someone invites me to go somewhere without him, I dread it because thinking about being away from Tyler for more than 30 minutes makes me want to pass out. What if I have a really good joke or I see someone trip and he can't be there to laugh with me?
I have been thinking about not letting people come see us in the hospital after she is born because I don't want anyone else to hold her. But then I realize that I am really going crazy for sure. So even if I hate that you're holding my baby for too long, I'll probably just look at Tyler so he can give me the "it's OK, calm down" look and I'll get over it.

at least I can't do this

2011-10-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

11 weeks. Until baby gal comes. I have had two dreams where I've had the baby and I can see what she looks like and then I wake up and I'm really mean to everyone the rest of the day because she isn't really here.
Last week of school is on the 8th and I don't know if I can even use the word 'excited'. I'm just happy that I won't be so mean to everyone. I'm surprised people even talk to me anymore. Shout out to all you guys.
I started to incorporate a few different things into my massage recently so my hands don't hate me everyday and it made me actually like giving massages. Once I graduate, I can give you one. If you can do something cool in return maybe we can even trade.
The baby shower that my mom and sister are doing is coming up and I'm really excited to see how cute it's going to be. It's going to be cute because my mom and Meagan are really good at making things cute. I try to make things that are cute but I usually get distracted and stop halfway through so it ends up looking trashy. I feel sorry for my sister for when I plan her shower. Sorry ahead of time.
Ty and I are starting our baby class this week. It's at this house and some girl teaches it. She is trained in hypnobirthing, Bradly Method and probably some other stuff too. I am excited for Tyler to learn. He doesn't really listen to me when I try and teach him about labor and delivery but probably mainly because I just talk about how hospitals are just trying to make money off of everyone. I really need to calm down with all these crazy baby conspiracies.
I don't when I went so crazy. I blame Netflix mostly.

big pills are harder to swallow

2011-08-28T00:15:00.000-07:00

my husband cares about decorating. this came as a shock to me when i realized it. my experience with the typical married man is that they only care about sports and steak yet I have never been to a steakhouse or watched a single sporting event with my tyler. these things are his choice, really, i did not sway him one bit. ty's idea of fun is talking, watching Ancient Aliens and going to Border's to look at art magazines. sometimes he even has the nerve to tell me what i'm wearing doesn't "go together". i'm being cute and eclectic, leave me alone!

continuing along those eclectic lines, i love buying random crap for my house. buying a house was a really bad idea. it gave me the freedom to buy crap for more than one room. tyler has strong opinions on how the house should look and what "feel" it should have. up until this point i have completely ignored him. big mistake. in my attempt to my the house feel like home, i just embarrassed myself. apparently green, blown glass buddah heads don't go with just anything. how many sets of curtains and cans of paint does someone really need? the old me would say, "the more the merrier!" well she was an idiot.

some might call me an impulsive shopper but used to think I was being spontaneous and fun.
after a year and a half of being spontaneous and fun at garage sales, Hobby Lobby's 60% off section, dollar store, KSL and generous family member's houses, it's time i admit that my house is disorienting and confusing at best.

it kind of felt good to admit this. now comes the fun part of purging. the one thing i like more than buying crap is throwing crap(or sometimes crucial papers) away.

everything goes!

it's down to bare bones.

this is going to be weird.

this also means that i have agreed to let tyler have a say in what happens in the nursery. no more saying, "you shouldn't even care, you're a boy".

changing is hard.

shiny body stuff

2011-08-07T00:15:00.000-07:00

In my Structural and Movement class at the Utah College of Massage Therapy, I am learning some pretty cool things. This class is all about learning how you hold your body and the "holding patterns" that people develop over the years. Like you know when girls stick their butts out really far to make their butts look cuter?
That is called an anterior tilt and it's really bad for your pelvis and throws off your posture and muscles like crazy. Just tuck it back in, boys aren't worth anterior tilts.
Speaking of anterior tilts. I'm sick of skinny girls talking about their "pooches". Imagine if you will a bowl of fruit. Now imagine your pelvis filled with intestines. If you tip that bowl forward, the fruit/intestines are going to spill out. When you try to be cute and stick your butt out, your making your guts spill forward which is most likely what is causing that pooch. So yea, let's just all take a minute and put it all back.

I am also learning about Fascia. oh fascia. It is some gooood stuff. Have you ever noticed when you peel skin off of a chicken or when you eat real beef jerky and you see that silvery, shiny stuff? I don't know what this looks like since I've never skinned a chicken or eaten any kind of jerky but these are the examples my teacher gave me.
Anyway, that stuff is fascia.
Actually I have seen it before on a dead person. I went up to the University of Utah to their cadaver lab and saw fascia there. It's pretty.

So fascia surrounds your muscles, every muscle fiber and is all over inside your entire body. It's everywhere guys.

You know when you're just starting to run and you feel really stiff and then like 30 minutes later you feel all loose and warm? That's the fascia being warmed and loosened which in turn loosens the muscle.

Fascia is like coconut oil or butter or wax. It's solidified when at a regular temperature but when it gets warm, it totally liquefies.

Structural body work is all about loosening that fascia through slow, deep strokes and putting the tissue in your body back where it's supposed to be. It's those holding patterns we develop that pull the tissue out of place.

You know when you make your bed and put the bedspread on but the sheets underneath are still wrinkly and you can see the wrinkles through the top layer? That's what our skin is like. It's just the top layer of our body, but if our fascia is too tight or being pulled out of place, we look wrinkly.

Sometimes when you look at people on TV or at the pool or wherever shirtless people are and you see their back and they look like they have stripes or shadows in their lower back area. I started to google some pictures to show as an example but all that would come up was back fat through spaghetti straps tank tops. So do your own googling and see if you can see what I mean.
I used to think that those shadows or dips in their back was just part of back fat. Turns out. It's too tight fascia.

I asked my teacher. "Do you think sometimes if you think you have cellulite, it's really just tight fascia?"
She said. "Oh absolutely!"

This is the good news. You might not have as much cellulite as you think. All you need is some good structural bodywork done.

I would say, call me and I'll come straighten your issues out but I don't graduate until October and I know you won't be able to wait.
Until then, I know a girl would is an amazing body worker. I would be so happy to give you her number. Her name is Jessica.

great folks

2011-07-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

sometimes or everyday I think about how hard my life is and how busy I am and how I would give anything to just stay home and have even the CHANCE to be bored for once. Also, sometimes or everyday I think about why I'm the one who had to get sick and why I'm the one with a husband who has a hurty back.
Sometimes I think about these things but then sometimes Pioneer Day just shows up out of nowhere and reminds me how big of an idiot I am.
Can you even imagine how much I would complain if I had to leave my cool house and WALK all the way across the country? I'd like to think I'd be valiant and steadfast and a great leader but really. I'd be the worst.

There was no such thing as a 2 day hospital stay when you had to give birth. You just had to squat down somewhere along the way, push that baby out and then just keep walking some more.

There were no Harmon's they could just swing by when the pioneers were sick of eating flour for every meal.

Sometimes for me, being sick means that I can't drive. Pioneers never got to ask, "should I take the car or the scooter tonight?"

I HATE when the hem of my pants get wet during the winter. Pioneer women didn't even have pant. They probably didn't even have socks.

To them, Angry Birds probably meant dying from the bird flu.

When I get off work on Sunday mornings at 7am, I only get 5 hours of sleep until I have to get up for church.
When there were packs of wolves lurking around the pioneer's campsites and night, they probably got 1 second of sleep.

All I'm saying is, we are pretty dang lucky. I may not have the coolest stripes for the season but at least I have clothes. I may not have all the time that I wish I had but at least I can be 99% sure that I will be alive tomorrow.

Hats off to the pioneers. Ya'll are some tough mothas.

uncontrolled happy

2011-07-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

Dude.

We're having a girl.

I have never been so happy.

Something smells fishy.

2011-06-13T03:46:00.000-07:00

I am officially into my second trimester. It's still weird that I, me, Courtney am talking about being pregnant. It feels so foreign and slightly creepy. I don't feel pregnant. Besides my daily emotional outbursts over Tyler not letting me quit school and work, things are pretty normal around here.

I promise you there is a a rule somewhere that says once you get knocked up, you're only obligation is to grow a human. Some people have clearly missed that memo. I'm not giving up. I'd much rather be bored by my own choice.

A kid at school asked me if he could punch my baby and then I asked him if I could punch his face. It got a laugh but I still wonder about that boy. Already people are trying to get all up in my stomach business and touch it. I keep telling them it's still just my fat but they refuse to believe me. Annoying.

If we want, we can find out if we're having a boy or girl at 15-16 weeks. There is a guy in our ward who does ultrasounds and he gives all the pregnant women free ones. What a treat. He has only been wrong once but maybe he's only done 12 ultrasounds in his career thus far.

This means we can find out in like 2 weeks. I wanted a boy for a month or so but then my mom gave me a giant box full of baby girl clothes she got from a gal at work and now I'll be mad if it's not a girl. I'm allowed to say that because I'll only be mad until the boy is born. Then I'll be forced to love him regardless.

My mom, dad, brothers, sister and BIL gave Tyler tile for his birthday this year. They changed out our yellow, 50's style linoleum flooring for new, CLEAN tile in the kitchen. It was a marathon of work for these poor people. I have a feeling they all slightly resent us for not being able to help. I would say we helped a lot. We kept moral up with Diet Mountain Dew and Havarti cheese.

I have to remind myself that I don't need to tip-toe through caked on dirt the kitchen anymore.
My mom said that she totally over helping us MSers and back injury folks with yard work and household repairs. It's all for the baby now. I have a feeling I won't be the center of attention once this thing is born. I am not liking where this is going already.
Time to step my jokes.

2011-06-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who is struggling with infertility.I hope she is cool with me calling her my friend. We shared a few classes together and Independence High School and that shiz bonds people for life.

She was able to have 3 boys on her own but as of late, her body isn't cooperating.

She and her husband are in the process of adopting and this a letter she wrote to herself.

I immediately thought of someone close to me who is also going through a similar story.

Dear Taylor,

You are a good mom. You love your children.

Heavenly Father knew that you could handle this trial.

He CHOSE you.

It is hard.

You can do hard things.

Sometimes when you feel your blood boil, and you want to scream at the top of your lungs,

"IT'S NOT FAIR"

It's ok.

Because it's not fair.

Life is not fair.

And that is what makes it all so beautiful!

You are right, it would be far easier to have a body that works.

But yours does not.

And even though you are learning and growing so much because of it,

sometimes the pain feels like it might suffocate you.

But your infertility is not about you.

It is not an attack of your character.

It is not a punishment for something you have done.

It is not because you are incapable of being a great mother to many.

You are not broken on accident.

Heavenly Father did not skip over you because you were undeserving.

You were not forgotten.

Instead, He hand chose you out of the crowd, and precisely changed you to be the person you

are.

I believe he took you aside, put his arm around you, and with tears streaming down his very

own face, knowing it will break your heart, asked if you if could carry this burden.

He promised you would never be alone. And he would bless you!

But, he would need to make you differently.

Not to break you.

But to create miracles for your eyes to see.

Every day.

You were not stripped of the most sacred act of multiplying and replenishing to your hearts

content, because you were not worth it to be made whole.

You may feel broken, and forgotten, in your divine right of motherhood.
But you were made from scratch!

Everything you have been given, has been given by God.

"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Cry until your soul hurts. Because it is hard.

But don't ever feel broken.

The baby loves this possibly more than me

2011-05-23T02:52:00.000-07:00

Minute 3:17. Perfection.

Original Scent

2011-05-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

We heard babies heartbeat today.
Kind of heavy.

My nurse/midwife sent me to get an ultrasound to make sure the babe was growing OK. You know, MS has been known to eff things up in the past.

She told me that I need to drink 32 oz. of water an hour before the ultrasound so my bladder would push my uterus closer to the surface.
I was trying really hard to cry and act really sentimental but all I could think about was peeing in my purse.
It didn't help that the tech was smashing the wand thing into my stomach.
Actually, I don't blame her. This sounds like the best joke and best job.
To be there while a couple is sharing a monumental moment and to see these desperate pregnant women trying really hard not to pee the whole time.

Genius job.

December 18th is my due date but only 5% of babies actually come on their due date so I'm not even believing this.
I'll let baby decide.

A lot of my graveyard shifts constist of me viewing dance videos on YouTube. I prefer watching the dances from America's Best Dance Crew. These videos always make me happy and get my pumped up. I don't what it is but, watching these videos always make me feel like I can dance that well. They make it look so seamless.

Every once in a while, I try a few of these moves but I just hurt myself instead.
Then I look around to make sure that the kids in their cells aren't watching me.

just call me Michael Moore

2011-05-01T01:31:00.000-07:00

As I learn more and more about child birth and labor, the more it fascinates me. I can't get enough information, can't watch enough documentaries and can't help but talk about it to everyone I come in contact with. It's such a complex and simple thing.

My head is constantly spinning.

This is what I want from you.

I want to know about the experience you had with breastfeeding.

More specifically, I want to hear from the people that had troubles with breastfeeding.

I want to know if you were induced or went into labor.

I want to know if you had a C-section or natural.

I want to know if you had an epidural or pain killer free.

I want to know what the reasons were that it was difficult(milk wouldn't come in, baby wouldn't latch, etc.)

I am doing a mini study in my brain and trying to figure some things out.

After I get the response I'm looking for, I will put it all together and let you in on if my theory is correct.

Help a sista out.

status: happy

2011-04-21T22:20:00.001-07:00

I love you all.

Thank you so much for your sharing your experiences and

giving advice.

Prayers are answered and I found a group of certified nurse midwives that accept my insurance plan. They are at New Beginnings in Orem right next to Orem Community Hospital. I will be getting all of my prenatal care through them and they will also be the ones to deliver my babe. I will be delivering in the labor and delivery section of Orem Community and they have back up physicians in case of emergencies.

AND..since I am TRIPLE covered by insurance(I guess I should thank Obama and my mom for that) I anticipate paying very little out of pocket for this event. woo.hoo.

I am the happiest girl.

p.s. Becca, I so wish you lived down here because I would LOVE to have you as my doula.

calling all woah-men

2011-04-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

Hope-I want a natural birth. My dream delivery story would be a water birth at home with a midwife.

Problem-my insurance won't cover midwifes, Birthing Centers, etc...

I feel strongly about doing a natural child birth.
I feel strongly about Hypno-birthing.
I also feel strongly about a water birth.

None of these things are covered. If I want any of these things, I will have to pay for them myself.

I know that I have the option of going to the hospital to have my baby and just passing on the epidural but I'm quickly learning that once your in the grips of those nurses and docs, you almost have no say in what happens with your body/birth.
A lot of these "necessary" interventions such as Pitocin, really aren't necessary 95% of the time. It just speeds things up for the hospitals timeline so they can get you in and out asap in order for another woman to take your place.
Hospitals are a business and they're goal is to make money.

Okay, wow...

I need to calm down.

Please watch The Business of Being Born if you want to know exactly what I'm talking about. It's on Netflix. If you want, we can even have a party at my house and watch it together. We can all dress up like babies too.

This is my cry for help.

I know I am still in the early early stages of pregnancy but I want to start planning now.
Most women that I have spoken with have only gone through the "traditional" labor so I don't know a lot about the kind of birth I want and how possible that is in the county of Utah.

If you or anyone you know has done a home birth, water birth, natural birth, Hypno-birthing, used midwives, Doualas, etc., please let me know!

I'm thinking that it might come down to money and that I'll have to just suck it up and use a regular doctor but I still want to know if there are any docs out there who are willing to work around your birth plan and who are willing to listen to what you want.

PLEASE. I'M BEGGING.

Right now I have an appointment with the group of doctors at Utah Valley Obstetrics. Dr. Wolsey, Rees, Gamette, Thorpe, Jacobs, Broeberg, etc.
When I spoke to the nurse on the phone, I got the feeling that she wasn't so keen the idea of natural anything.
Does anyone have experience with these peeps?

I need your help!

something cool

2011-04-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

I've never been able to keep a secret. I think that makes me a bad friend.

So this is me not keeping a secret after only knowing it for 24 hours.

I am totally knocked up.

I feel like I'm faking it and someone is going to catch me in my lie any minute.

After 2+ years we FINALLY get one of those cute, tiny humans everyone else has.

After I saw the results of the test, I had to take the instructions out of the box to make sure that a plus sign really means positive.

I went insane for a second.

Then I screamed for Tyler and he pretended he didn't know what a plus sign meant.

Then we would laugh hysterically, stare off into the distance, not talk to each other and say, "what the heck?" for the following 4 hours.

so

2011-04-10T01:41:00.000-07:00

I don't answer doors. Especially my own front door. Ideally, I would prefer a call in advance to warn me that someone will be knocking on my door. It's always better for both parties if I get a chance to mentally and emotionally prepare.

Do you invite them in or let them stand on your porch?

It would be the polite thing to let them in but what if they are only planning on staying for a second and they feel bad saying no so they come in and sit down. Then they feel pressure to stay longer and we both end up hating me.

I'll never catch on.

Today I was laying on the couch which is right under the window that faces the front of our house. You can always see who is coming to the door before they knock. I saw a lady walk past the window and then she knocked. I muted the TV and played dead.

But wait, here comes Tyler, crap!

I ran into the room and this is what I witness with my own ears:

(Tyler opens door to a lady selling coupons)

Lady: You look like a guy who loves steak!

Tyler: um...actually we're vegetarians.

Lady:...oh...really?...well these Steers were vegetarians before they were slaughtered!

Tyler: Looks like they had the right idea.

Lady: yea...ok bye!

I am still trying to figure out what she meant by that.

Was that her fantasic selling strategy or was she just grasping at straws at that point?

Weirest person.

Couldn't have said it better

2011-04-09T04:39:00.000-07:00

My hands shake as my words slur,

But it’s not what you think.

I trip and I sway,

Though I haven’t had a drink.

I could fall at any moment.

And this never leaves my mind

But I’m trying hard to manage

As I’m on this MS ride.

My legs look normal But feel like rubber.

My arms look strong enough,

But melt like butter.

I have slept for hours,

But my eyes still droop.

I want to walk straight,

But my head loop-de-loops.

You think I’m paying attention,

But my mind has wandered away.

I want to speak clearly,

But I’m stuttering today.

I try to read your email,

But I am seeing double.

I want to come with you,

But walking gives me trouble.

I may need your patience

And your compassion too.

But never your pity

For all I have to do.

I need you to be kind.

And try to understand.

I’m living a new life

Doing the best that I can.

I am making an effort

To be someone who

Is making a difference

In my own life too.

Give me a chance

Be on my side

I am still me

Even with all the drama inside.

My body has changed

But my heart is the same.

I still have a beautiful life

Even when playing the MS game.

The thing I need the most

As you try to understand

Is the comfort and confidence

That I still have my friend

By Tammy Malkowski

goo gee gaa gyyy

2011-04-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

My work is having a weight loss challenge. They split us up into teams and we all get a pedometer to count how many steps we take in a month's time. I know my team is going to win because my legs are shorter so I take more steps than anyone at work. It angers me that people still haven't caught on to the fact that I work graveyards. Dear callers/voicemailers/texters I will not be responding to you until I wake up at 2 p.m. Wednesday-Sunday. Make a mental note. Unless my schedule isn't your top priority. Which it's probably not. I can't stop watching Kitchen Nightmares on Fox. I love when Chef Ramsay first gets to the restaurant and samples the food. The servers try to be helpful by suggesting their favorite foods but then he just ends up swearing about how much he hates everything. I love when he remodels the restaurant and makes everyone cry. And like right now, one of the owners just got really mad at a server and shoved him out of the kitchen.

At work we use radios to talk to each other and for eight hours I just think about all the funny things I want to say over them. No one really thinks I'm funny here so I know I would end up just being ignored. All I want to do is play weird songs and make scary noises over the radio. In school today I learned that you have a hormone called Melatonin that is in charge of your Sleep Wake Cycles. It responds mostly to light so if you can't sleep, don't try to watch TV or play on the computer. That just adds more light and your Melatonin will never release into your blood system. So no TV.

duh.

how to strengthen your marriage

2011-03-27T03:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend we had people over for dinner. Right before they got to our house, we got in a fight. I think it had to do with me thinking Tyler didn't do the dishes enough or something. When our guests arrived, we were still fuming. At our dinner table we have 4 chairs. One of the chairs has a broken leg. I decided to be a good host and let our friends use the functional chairs and I took the lame chair. I sat down to eat and forgot about the tripod chair. The chair buckled under my clumsy weight and I slipped halfway under the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tyler watching the whole scene play out. He was the only one who noticed and he tried really hard not to laugh. Fight over. If only there were more 3 legged chairs in my life.

walking can be fun

2011-03-18T23:36:00.001-07:00

Hey.

If you're Coocoo for Coco, register to be on my team for the MS Walk fundraiser on April 30th in SLC. You can donate money that goes towards research and finding a cure for this nasty disease but if you don't donate, please come walk with me(I would probably love that more anyway). It's free.

I am sososososososo excited for this walk. I start bawling just thinking about all of the love and support I have already felt from everyone that I know. Seeing that sea of Orange in Salt Lake is seriously going to be the kicker. Freakin bawl baby.

The next segment I write is more for my records than anything. I have touched on some of these points in an earlier post but I need to remember every detail. I realize I can write it in a journal but writing makes my hand hurt.

The day that I got my spinal tap was also the day that my family, my uncle's fam and my grandparents had planned to go up to my sister's mission president's cabin. I was told that there was a good chance that I wouldn't feel good enough to do anything for 24 hours after the procedure but you know me, when someone tells me No, I say eff that.

Ty and I rode up with Meg and Callin. I got the front seat. You automatically get whatever you want when you get spinal taps. I started to get ridiculously dizzy and nauseated so that sucked.
Next day. Went shopping in Park City. Felt kind of crappy but I made it through. Even managed to buy some things in between dizzy spells. Go me.

Enter best friend. Mykenzie Hydo. We went to all years of school together and hardly interacted until about a year ago when she said she had a strange prompting to get in contact with me. Who wouldn't want a best friend like that? At this point, she didn't know about my diagnosis and she happened to call me while I was shopping. She asked me how things were going so I told her. Then the most amazing thing happened.

Mykenzie: Courtney, remember how we're best friends?
Me: yea
Myk: remember how we are meant to be in each other's lives?
Me: yea..
Myk: did you forget that my internship is at the National MS Society of Utah?...
Me: *bawling* (I completely forgot that she had told me this months before I got sick)
She is my lifeline when it comes to the latest news and treatments. I do love her.

back to the cabin weekend...

that night I felt really horrible so we all hung out on our bed (ty and I got the master bedroom, thank you spinal tap) and watched Across the Universe.

I also got the chance to get an amazing blessing from my dad. In the blessing he told me that I would live to see my children grow up. The fact that I wouldn't, was one of my biggest, unspoken fears. In that moment, I felt completely uplifted.
Afterwards, we all sat around the fireplace, talked, cried, laughed a lot, sang and I savored every second of it.

Sunday was THE hell of my hell month. I woke up and tried lifting my head off my pillow. Just that small action made me feel like I was being spun in an office chair at full speed. I really wish I could describe how horrible this feeling was just trying to sit up. It took at least 10 tries. Even the slightest movement sent me into dizzy spell after dizzy spell. With my amazingly patient husband's help, I got into the shower.

I stood there in the shower with my eyes closed, pride swallowed and heart full. My love and respect for him reached an entirely new level when he stood there with me and washed my back.

With my balance being off, If I wanted to walk anywhere in the cabin, I needed someone to be there to keep me upright. Otherwise, I would run myself right into the wall, floor, table, railing, etc.
After breakfast, we got me into the truck and drove home. Once we got home, I couldn't walk myself into the house so my dad carried me in and put me on the couch. Once I was settled down, the car ride caught up to me and I threw up my breakfast. Awesome.

Everyone went home and the night just got worse. After a few hours of hellish hell, we decided a trip to the ER would possibly help. For some reason, which I can't remember now, we couldn't take our car so we called my bro and sis-in-law, Ali and Warner to pick us up. They were so amazing and didn't laugh when they saw me wearing Ty's giant flannel shirt and my giant grey sweat pants. We got to the ER and of course once I sit down, I violently throw up which makes everyone in the room scatter away from us. Super.
Ali and Warner stayed and kept us company for a good two hours.
Again, a new level of love.
We finally got a room and after the wheelchair ride back, you guessed it, upchuck time.
My mother-in-law, Lydia came and stayed with us until 2 a.m.
Love level.
I got an IV of something that was supposed to help with the dizziness and nausea. I can't remember if it worked though...maybe that means it did?

She took us home and we slept for a long time.

to the beat ya'll

2011-03-03T23:49:00.000-08:00

My heart grows when I discover new music.
Justin Nozuka
Ron Pope
The Xx
Yeah Yeah Yeahs-I knew who they were but I am just now fully appreciating them
Florence + the Machine-the love has been going strong for a while

I also rekindled my love for R&B in the recent weeks.

112, Brian McKnight, Dru Hill, Monica, En Vogue, Jagged Edge, Tyrese, Ashanti, Jon B., Baby Face, Boyz II Men, SWV, TLC, Ginuwine, Black Street, LL Cool J, etc etc etc. Oh I could just go on and ON.

I never could resist a boy with a great "Slow Jamz" CD.
Not that there were a lot of boys, maybe 2 or 3...I'll just stop there.
These days, all a boy has to do is swear at a girl or NOT pay for dinner and he gets lucky.
Talk about LAAAZY!

Pearl, at work, tells me that she's never met a white girl who loves R&B as much as I do. She told me that I'm black on the inside. I'll accept that.

The song that I can't get enough of lately is a Tears for Fears song called Mad World. I love the Donnie Darko version the best. Dean plays this song during yoga. There is something magical about crazy contortionists mixed with creepy songs. I die happy every time.

I'm hating Lady Gaga lately. Basically, if you're clinically insane with daddy issues, you can call yourself a "creative artist" and Hollywood is all over it. Have you read the Hunger Games? Hollywood reminds me of the nut jobs in the Capitol.
I couldn't care less about the Oscars, Golden Globes, Grammys, Emmys, etc.
Would you waste two hours of your day watching all the rich, popular kids talk about how cool they are?
No, you wouldn't.
So why do you?

Post Op

2011-02-20T23:55:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I got the procedure for my CCSVI done and
man am I feelin' GOOD!

Let us begin with Dick. He was my personal male nurse/comedian. He is a fantastic man. He swore a lot and made really funny jokes. He also made me bleed like a gallon of blood when he was putting my IV in and I didn't even pass out. The best part is that he gave me a $25 gift card to the University Mall. What would I have done without Dick?... The nurse. perv.

The best part of the whole day is that I was surrounded by men. From the waiting room to the procedure room. There were like 5 men in the room with me. It was raining men.
HALLELUJAH.
Once the operating room, one of the pretties asked me what kind of music I wanted to listen to during the procedure. I was too flustered to give a straight answer so he picked Jack Johnson for me.

I didn't get completely knocked out because Dr. Hatch still needed me to be slightly coherent. To get to my Assuages vein, they had to go in through my femoral vein. The vein that's RIGHT in the crease of your groin. So I was totally Full Monty for all the boys.
Yea.
The last thing I really remember was looking to my left and seeing six monitors and my skeleton. I could turn my head from side to side and see it moving on the monitors. It was cool.

Turns out that the vein they thought was blocked, was totally clear. It turned out to be my Assuages vein that was the issue. That's the vein that all of the veins around your ribs flow into. It was at least 60% blocked.

Because they ballooned my vein, I had to be on blood thinners for three weeks so a blood clot wouldn't form. Shots. In my stomach. Everyday. Passing out everyday gets old really fast.

I really feel like the CCSVI has helped my symptoms. I can drive, walk straight and watch TV without throwing up. I also started these supplements by DoTerra that have saved my life. I think the B12 and fish oil have helped the most. They have saved me during my graveyard shifts. The B12 keeps me peppy even when 4am rolls around.

Guys, I really feel fab.
It's like I don't even have MS.
I continue to do my yoga toga at 3b Studio in Riverwoods and I can do some pretty sweet balance poses. Dean says my body is built for yoga. We love Dean. And I'm allowed to brag because this is really the only thing I've ever been good at. Just ask my mom.

Yoga! Toga! Toga!

2011-01-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

(I can really do this!)

Healthy people feel bad for sick people.
This fact is coming in handy for me.
I've had more free lunches in the past 3 months than I've had in my 24 years of living.
I am also getting free yoga and swimming classes.
There is a lovely man named Dean who teaches yoga at 3b down in River Woods who finds us sickies and attempts to teach us yoga. We don't have the best balance in the world so it can get really funny at times.
Dean is an angel in yoga pants.
He does this stuff for free!
He takes time out of his day to do this for FREE.
I am so very grateful for his huge heart.
I'm guessing after you do yoga for a while, you adopt this very calm and contemplative demeanor because that is what he has and all of his yogi interns.

I hate it.

I can be loud and spastic at times and he.. isn't. He's just calm. All the time.
I pray that someday I won't always be yelling and laughing.
I love yoga. Dean says I'm a natural. I would believe anything he told me.
During our first session at his house, he asked me if I had ever been a dancer or a gymnast. I told him I was just a wannabe. He didn't laugh but Ty did. That's why I take him with me places. He's my fail safe.

I can also do this...
..and this..
..and this.
Just kidding.

So swimming. Brittany is the girl who teaches me. She went to BYU and graduated with an English degree and then she was going to apply for law school but decided to go to yoga school instead. She is opening up her own studio on Center Street in Provo right above that Karate School.
To get a good visual of how well I did my first day, imagine someone drowning. That's what I looked like the whole time. Instead of turning my head to the side to take a breath in between strokes, I just swallowed water. I'm done talking about this.

I love selfless people and I love yoga. These two things bring hope back to humanity. For real.

CCSVI

2010-12-28T20:43:00.000-08:00

Chronic cerebro-spinal venous insufficiency (CCSVI) is a term used to describe compromised flow of blood in the veins draining the central nervous system. It has been hypothesized to play a role in the cause of multiple sclerosis (MS). This hypothesis was first put forth by Paolo Zamboni in 2008. An endovascular intervention for the syndrome has been attempted however further research is required to determine if the benefits outweigh the risks of the procedure.

In a nutshell. People that have MS are more likely to have veins that are collapsed or restricted and once they get the venogram, their symptoms go away almost immediately. The interventional radiologist goes in through the femoral vein and looks for those sad veins that need to be happy again. Once they find one, they put a little balloon in the vein and blows it back up. Creepy huh?

This is a new procedure that folks with MS are volunteering to undergo. I have only heard good things about it and I talked to Dr. Vincent about it and she was all for letting me take a shot at it. She ordered the venogram for me and we got it scheduled for today. A week or so ago I got an ultra sound on my jugular veins because they suspected that this is where I might have some restricted veins. The results came back that I did have a little abnormality in some veins so I was a good candidate for the CCSVI procedure.

My procedure was scheduled for 12:30 p.m. At 10:30 a.m., someone called me from the hospital and said that since I hadn't seen Dr. Hatch yet; there was no way that this procedure could take place. The lady I spoke to said she didn't know how I had gotten onto the schedule for today but I was going to have to reschedule.

I was so ready to be done feeling this way. So ready to be done feeling nauseous after looking at the computer. So done not being able to watch TV. So done not being able to drive and SOOO done not being able to walk without looking like a drunkard. I was crushed. I cried all of my make-up off and put my sweats back on.

I called my mom and told her what happened. She was all over the situation(she works in the radiology department so she has the inside scoop). She got on the phone with Dr. Hatch and basically ripped him a new one. If I was brave enough, I would have done this myself. He said that the hospital caught up with him and said that he hadn't turned in the correct paper work for me. blah blah blah. He apologized a billion times and said there was nothing he could do.

So for now, the earliest I can get in for the pre-venogram is on January 7th to make sure I am even a candidate(happy birthday Chels!). After that, who knows how soon I can get in for the real venogram?

I'm pissed, sad, and tired.

It's so important not to stress too much because stress makes my symptoms worse but that is almost impossible today.

Faith, not fear.

Weaknesses of the Flesh

2010-12-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

You know how some blogs are somewhat interesting until the girl has a baby and then the blog turns into a look-how-cute-and-smart-my-baby-is-blog?
I don't have a baby but I do have MS.
This blog in now officially my "Let's talk about how NOT cute my MS is blog."
Have you ever been intoxicated in anyway with either alcohol or pills? If so, you'll know what I'm talking about.
The dizziness that lives with me every single day is like being drunk 24/7.
I can see the images in front of me but I can't, for the life of me, focus on just one object.
It's like my eyes just constantly jump around all day.
Watching TV,texting, reading and being on the computer make this dizziness substantially worse.
Which makes life really suck.
Now moving onto my balance. I have none.
I tend to lean towards the right as I walk down the halls and isles which makes me look like a wino.

I am fatigued after showering and crying really knocks me out.

Before November 4th, I really thought I could call myself a strong person who could handle almost anything. Just in the past 3 years I have dealt with 2 years of disabling back pain, 1 back surgery, 1 possible second back surgery, infertility, loss of jobs, and depression.

Over coming some of these things, you would think I would be a strong person right?

I can 100 percent, wholeheartedly say that I am NOT as strong as I thought.

My days consist of waking up, crying, yelling at Tyler out of frustration and fear, sleeping.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I just can't figure out how to NOT less this take over my life.
I am so disgustingly sick of talking about it but I know some people
like to know about it and about how I'm feeling so I don't want to deny them a chance
to learn more about MS.
I have become a thousand times more emotional than I was before if that's possible.

I had an amazing epiphany during sacrament meeting last week as we were singing the sacrament hymn.

Jesus knows what it feels like to have MS.
He knows how it feels to be too tired to smile and say that everything is going to be okay.
Because the truth is that I have no idea if things are going to be okay.
But I know someone who knows how I feel and that in itself is so comforting.

During fast and testimony meeting today someone said that fear and faith cannot exist in the same space.
I know that I need faith but it's so much easier said than done when you're in the middle of feeling like a 24 year old stuck inside an 80 year old's body.
It's easy to have faith when you feel healthy and strong.
I am working on this faith thing.
There is so much more happiness in faith.
I know that.
I need to be happy again. My husband needs me to be happy again.
My mom and sister need their hilarious daughter and sister back.

Among other things, maybe this trial was given to me to force me to truly understand what faith means.

I see my neurologist this week to see about medications and other treatments. Her name is Pamela Vincent and I know that she is my girl. There have been too many signs leading me to her that I can't deny.
She recommends yoga to her patients for goodness sake!

Right up my granola ally.

Thank You

2010-11-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

I was kind of thrown off by the rap but that
didn't stop me from crying like an 8 pound baby.

November 4

2010-11-09T09:40:00.000-08:00

I write this with blurry vision so don't mind my typos and many other errors. This needs to be documented and really, who writes in journals these days? It just makes your hand hurt.
November 4th began on October 24th. The day after my brother and sister-in-law's wedding. I woke up and noticed that my right foot was a little numb. I didn't think much of it and I definitely did not tell Tyler. I hate attention when it comes to my health.
Two days later during school, I scratched the right side of my head was also numb. With further inspection, I felt(or didn't feel) that the numbness had taken over my entire right side. I asked my wonderful massage variations teacher, Kathy Thomas what it could mean. She thought for a while and couldn't think of a reasonable explanation for my symptoms but suggested that I go see a doctor.
At this point, I didn't think much of seeing a doc since I had no other real symptoms until i woke up the next morning.
I got out of bed to get ready for work and noticed that I was having difficulty catching my balance. Again, I didn't think anything of it. Weird things happen to me all the time so I wasn't too worried.
The dizziness hit me while I was a work. This type of dizziness is like when you turn your head to look at the something or someone and it take a few second for your brain to catch up to the image which make nausea a perfect companion. All I could do was keep my eyes closed and my head on my desk. No matter how hard I tried, my eyes could not just stayed focused on one thing. After two days of this, Tyler decided it was time to see my doctor.
The doc started all sorts of tests to rule out Bell's Palsy, stroke and who knows what else. After all those came back negative, he threw his hands up and admitted defeat(mostly for my sake because I believe he knew the whole time). He ordered me to go the hospital ASAP for a CT scan for further testing. Ty and I get there with my mom following just minutes behind.
One preg test and one CT scan later.Both test came back negative. I have gotten used to many a pregnancy test coming back negative but when someone else tells you, it's a new level of hurt.

Now onto blood work. Same story. Everything comes back dandy.

Thursday, November 4th.
I always wanted to know what it would be like to go into that big tube like machine.
It was actually quite relaxing. Fell asleep a few times even.
Waiting was the hardest part. Around 1 ish my mom texts me to tell me that the radiologist sees, "fog and dust" on my brain scan.
Me thinking it's a joke saying that I have no brain, I laugh it off.
A while later my mom encourages me to call my doctor to have him read the report to me.
I believe at this point she already knew.
I call him and leave a message. Waiting. Waiting. More waiting.
At 5:20 p.m. he calls me.
I have MS.
I can't stop the river of tears down my face. Tyler still doesn't know but he is crying just like me.
Once I get off the phone he just holds me and we cry and cry.
My mom showed up 2 minutes after I get the news.
She sees me and I ask her if she already knows and I can see her heart break.
She hugs me and we cry.

The only real interaction I've had with someone with MS, they were in their mid 20's and in a wheel chair.

Was that going to be me? What about work? What about school? How am I supposed to give body work to my clients when I can't even stand on my own?
What about all the babies I want to have?
Will they resent me for being a sick mom?
How am I supposed to take care of Tyler and his back pain?
Am I going to miss out on the holidays and time with my family?

In that moment, I felt myself age by 30 years.

I feel so betrayed by my body. I really though that being a vegetarian would excempt me from gettting sick. I have always been known as the girl who doesn't get sick. The girl who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat.
I had endless energy.

That is ALL gone. Within two weeks my life has changed forever.

The next day I am ordered to get a spinal tap to confirm or deny the MS diagnosis.
After two hours of waiting it's finally my turn. I was asked to lay flat on my stomach while they put the big needle between my lumbar vertebrae. A spinal tap is literally like tapping a tree. You just sit there and wait for the spinal fluid to drip into the vial. The nurse said that it usually takes between 15 minutes to over an hour.

I only took 2 minutes-tender mercy?

That night my immediate and extended family had the opportunity to stay the weekend at my sister's mission president's cabin. It was one of the best times I've had with my family. My dad gave me the most beautiful and comforting blessing. So many worries and questions were answered. Questions that I had only expressed in my heart.

Come Monday morning my doctor calls me about the spinal tap results.
I have been officially diagnosed with MS. It came as no surprise to me. I don't cry much about it anymore either because I am out of tears or because I feel sustained from everyone that loves me.

Heavenly Father loves me. He knows how I am feeling. He knows I'm scared. He loves me and will comfort me through every treatment, every test and every breakdown. This is the only thing that I KNOW to be true.

TODAY I am grateful that while I stood in the shower holding onto the ledge, Tyler washed my hair and shaved my armpits for me.
TODAY I am grateful that I don't throw up after every car ride.
TODAY I am grateful that my mom, Meagan and Chase came over and cleaned.
These things are love in it's most raw, selfless form.

pass the homemade granola

2010-09-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

Free chandelier from MIL.

Paint $5
Thank you.
Craigslist hutch.

Painted Ivory and modge podged scrapbook paper to the back.
Sanded until the bottom white and red layers showed through.

Onto more important things....

Why is it that we know more about Paris Hilton's dog than we do about how our own bodies work? And how doesn't everyone know that human touch is the medicine for practically everything?
I feel myself become more and more granola and hippie by the day.
The fact that your blood pressure could possibly be lowered, your depression can be stabilized if not eliminated and the fact that your chances of getting knocked up can be increased all by receiving Reflexology should blow your mind!
Did you know that getting body work done(Swedish massage, acupressure, shiatsu, cranial sacral therapy etc.) is more than just a nice relaxing feel good time? Studies by the Miami Touch Institute show again and again that massage therapy can save people from injuries, unnecessary pain, and help people with mental disorders like depression and anxiety. I don't know about you but I would MUCH rather pay 50 bucks for a 50 minute full body massage than pay 50 bucks to wait in line at the pharmacy for my happy pills.
Did you know that garlic in oil, pill or powder form is stronger than any antibiotic there is on the market? These are the things the doctors don't want you to know! Did you know that some things I'm learning in my Anatomy class, most med students don't even learn?
There is the thing called Somatic Release where clients that are receiving body work have been known to cry, laugh, get angry, anxious or even get flash backs while on the table. We as humans hold most of our tension, stress and negative emotions in our muscles( especially in our butt muscles) and it just sits there and builds and builds and builds until we explode/breakdown/go insane. When people like this go and get a massage, the massage therapists are not only working on these people to help them relax and rejuvenate. They are helping to release these emotions that possible have NEVER been been dealt with.

Guys.These type of "Natural" "Hocus Pocus" procedures and treatments are anything but. This is how medicine and healing all started. Back to the basics.

Tangent over.

oh and.
I need all the massage practice I can get. Call me. Promise I'm not creepy.
I'm not even allowed to charge you.

Timing isn't everything. It's only timing.

2010-08-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

Second week of school down. Still no friends. Which is surprisingly odd because I have always been able to make at least one friend. That one friend usually ends up being the doesn't-understand-personal-space/talkative/slightly nerdy one in the bunch. There might be a few of those in my class (I won't confirm or deny this statement) and even with that fact, still, no friends. I can't tell if it's because I'm married or just older. I have noticed that since the day I became Jarman, there has been an invisible stamp on my forehead that says, "don't talk to me, I don't flirt and I don't have a really high pitched fun voice".
Or... maybe it's because I sit in the backseat everyday and don't make eye contact with the others. I actually tried putting myself "out there" for the first time ever. During one of our breaks there was a girl from my class sitting on the curb outside and I went and sat right next to her. I mean RIGHT next to her. There was no question that I was trying to invade her personal space and get her attention. I mentioned that it was starting to rain. You know what she did? Nothing! No pity laugh, not even a side-glance. I mean come one. Weather talk is the easiest type of small talk there is! I'm pretty sure everyone in the universe was staring and me in that second.
Anyway, for whatever reason, I repel future massage therapists.
With that being said, I really don't care that I'm friendless until it's time to "partner up" and then things get weird for me. I walk around aimlessly looking for someone who doesn't look BFF with another student all while trying to look really casual and like I already have a BFF outside of school so you people don't really matter to me. It's exhausting really.
Some how I have managed to get through these last two weeks and have found that I already love everything about Massage Therapy and bodywork. It's quite amazing how humans can be healed just by someone else's' touch. I am learning Reflexology right now and did you know that the entire body is mapped out on the bottom of your foot? It totally is. By working the arch of your foot, you can help alleviate pain your entire spine. It sounds kind of insane but I'm telling you. It works. Go get it done! More than once. Everyday. All day. I love my school.

Come to think of it, I have made one friend. We sit on the back row together. His name is Chase. One time while he was partnered up with a girl for the hands on portion of class, she said, "sorry my legs might not be shaved!" He replied with, "it's OK mine aren't either." How can you not be friends with that?

Trash

2010-07-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

If I can't live with the folks on the East Bench,
at least I can buy their crap.
This mirror is pre 1900's.
Easily sold for $200. I paid $20.
The old man said that it was his first wife's mirror and it had been
in her family for millions of years.
He was selling it because his second wife didn't like it.
Gotta please your woman I suppose.
I haven't been so blessed in my garage sailing escapades since last summer
when I met the love of my life, Blue Dresser.

Second find. Mini island. $5. I can chop so many things on this block.
Callin told me the picture wouldn't
be complete without his plumber's tape display.

(Note the creepy, off center rat tail he's working.)
(Note Toben being really cute.)

SALTsa

2010-07-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

Big week this week.

Monday-no work.
Tuesday-chips and salsa for dinner
Wednesday-fafsa
Thursday-dentist
Friday-brace face

Yep, for the next 18 months you can call me metal mouth. I'm a bit curious to see if I'll look like a 12 year old married to a pedi 30 year old.
I wonder if I can make it 18 months without smiling. I can definitely cut fake smiles out of the equation. Fake smiles my my soul hurt. I just pray that I won't get the Braces Lip Syndrome. You know where your lips morph into horse lips so they don't get caught on the brackets? Hideous.

Oh and about the fafsa. In August I will be walking the halls of the Utah College of Massage Therapy. You have no idea how excited I am. The biggest response I get when I tell peeps what I'm doing is.."You really want to touch gross hairy backs?!"

Yes. That is exactly why I am paying thousands of dollars. To play with man back hair.

At least I got free crepes

2010-06-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when you miss a wedding that you're supposed to be a part of?
Oh, that's never happened to you? Well it happened to me. I was a bridesmaid.

Let's flashback to that day. June 19, 2010.

Go to first wedding of the day. Cousin's wedding in Draper in the a.m.
Phone dies around noon.
Leave Draper to make it to Provo Canyon for the ceremony.
Get lost in some Draper neighborhood for a good 10 min.(I really take for granted Provo's grid system)
Make it onto the freeway after 20 minutes of searching.
Drive 55 mph on freeway because of construction and I'm too scared to speed.
Make it to the canyon by 2:20 ish. Should have been there by 1:30.
Assume that the wedding is somewhere up South Fork.
Pull up to what I think is the wedding.
Sit in car to see if I can anyone I recognize.
Drive further up canyon because I didn't see anyone I knew.
Pass Big Springs.
Freak out because I had no idea Big Springs was in Provo this whole time. I swear it took like 30 hours on the bus for 5th grade camp.
Drive all the way to the top until I can't go anymore.
Turn back and drive back to the wedding I saw and get out of car and walk up to the wedding.
Feel awesome because it's obvious that I do not belong there.
Feel like crying because I have NO idea what to do next and I'm sweating in my cute dress.
Gas light turns on.
Go home.
Charge phone and come to find out the ceremony was about a mile away from where I was.
Text bride and tell her what happened.
Bride writes back to tell she isn't mad. She just thought I had been in an accident.
Feel happy.
Go to reception and eat good food and hang out with Steff and Sam.
Happy.

Thank Ye

2010-05-18T18:28:00.001-07:00

Thanks Warner and Sam for tearing out that hideous vinyl picket fence in our front yard. And a double thanks to Warner who got tricked into biking 10 miles just to do it.

Oh and an extra double thanks to Sam who got peed on by the previous neighbor's Autumn leaf juice.
Now onto more important things.

This color plus....this old changing table= you'll just have to wait and see.
I can hardly wait.

Big News!!

2010-05-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

...you thought I was going to say I was knocked up didn't you? Tricked you. Moving on.

In case you were wondering, here are my top favorite smells.
In no particular order. It's like animals, I can't choose just one.

Pizza Parlors-wait this might be my favorite. .
Gasoline- makes my mouth water.
Lacquer
Nail Polish
Shoe Polish
Boat Exhaust
Nail Salons
Farm Smell/Horse Manure-yea
Plastic-specifically the plastic sticky things that you put on your windows for holidays.
Foam Stickers-remember those puffy stickers?
Yearbooks
The smell of the silver wrapping when you take it off the disposable camera
Chalk Dust

That about sums it up. I almost want to add Skunk to that list but I'm not sure if I really like the smell or if it just makes me miss home. Oh West Provo, you raised me right.

Don't mess with the Zohan

2010-04-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

I guess it's about time to start posting housey pictures.
I won't be showing full before and afters until everything is done which we anticipate to be in
January of 2035.
This wall is in the dining room. . I just need about 2,ooo more frames to complete the look.
I'll post the finished product if I remember.

This Petal lamp was done with an Ikea lamp shade and 300 hand-cut pieces of felt.
I now hate felt but I love lamp.

Bye.

Hot Heat

2010-04-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

Soooo remember that post where I talked about my sweaty issues? (I'm not going to add a link from that post because I'm not that invested in my blog.) Turns out, that Degree deodorant sucks. It worked for a DAY and then decided it was more fun to let me fend for myself. A few years ago, my cousins, Sam and Steff told me about Ban. I trust their clammy opinions so I tried it. I OWE MY SOCIAL LIFE TO BAN. Yea, it's that good. You don't get that BO smell mixed with baby powder and the best thing is, you don't sweat. Now if only they would invent something for bang sweat, that's the worst.

Now onto cooler stuff. Ty and I just celebrated 3 years of wedded bliss. Forget Anniversary Inn, we attended a home fire safety class... We also got free food at Carrabba's for going. Which probably wasn't the best idea on Carrabba's part because tt's kind of hard to eat when you're hearing depressing stories of faulty fire alarms and asphyxiation. Sometimes free food isn't that worth it. I want to apologize to my sister, bro-in-law, Dave and Tara. I think I may have 4 less friends now.

The Chocolate made it all better. Please go there. And please please get the Kazookie. You will leave a better person.

Oh yeah, after 3 years of hand mixing EVERYTHING, my hand muscles were tired.

Come to Mama.

Who needs college when you have a mind like mine?

2010-04-02T17:26:00.000-07:00

Does this ever happen to you?

You see someone in real life that you blog-stalk daily. You possibly went to high school with them but were in different social groups or maybe you know them through a friend. If they saw you, they would more than likely recognize you too.

Through following their blog, you know everything about them. You know what their new house, husband or baby looks like. You know that yesterday, they had a really bad day or how fat they think they are. After a few months of stalking, you feel like you're really getting a sense of this person/people and maybe even want to be their friend in the real world. Or even creepier, you want their husband and your husband to be friends.

So there you are at the store/mall/restaurant, you see them, they see you. You know each other well enough from high school or mutual friend to both say Hi but...uhh then what? You can't exactly start jabbering on about their latest trip to the Ocean because you will probably get maced in the face. But you can't exactly fake not knowing them because that's lying. And chances are they read your blog too and you both know that you read each other's blog. Double crap.

Neither one of you can be the vulnerable one by trying to awkwardly jump start the convo so you just end up standing there for a few seconds before saying, "It was good to see you!" with a big fake, dry mouthed smile and then go home in anticipation for their next post.

Am I too bold to say that blogs might be ruining lives and making our anti-social society even MORE anti-social? Or maybe, I'm just ultra creepy.

Miss Me?

2010-03-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

Coco's Guide for the perfect shower.

Rule #1 There is magic in the details. Plastic frozen ice-cube babies are always a hit.
Rule #2 If there is no food for the first hour, it could get awkward. Make sure the food is the FIRST guest.
Rule #3 Never stop texting.
Rule #4 Shoot for that the shabby chic look in your home. Spackled floors and wires shooting out of walls are my personal favorite.
Rule #5 Don't try to bribe little girls for their last sucker. It's just mean.
Rule #6 Make sure to seek out the person of honor and attempt to re-enact a tender moment from a wedding you recently attended.
Rule #7 Refer to Rule #2
Rule #8 Keep the person of honor happy. Sashes and tiaras are a must for any occasion.

There you have it. When it comes to showers of any kind. Go big or go home.

Love you Chels.

GO HERE! Somewherebetweenfateandchance.blogspot.com.. You will see life so different. Good different. DO IT NOW.

2010-03-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

Heeeeey. my phone won't let me put my curser in the "text" box. So I will improvise. Before ad after pics of house to come sooner than later

2010-03-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

Life Size Barbie

2010-01-25T15:42:00.001-08:00

How I get my husband to do Redmond Clay Mud Masks with me?

Wait until he gets back surgery so he can't run away from me even if he wants to.

P.S.
Dear Men,
Life is so much easier when you just submit :)

My Ty

2010-01-12T13:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Tyler,

August 2007 around noon, you called me and said that you had been in an accident.

I started panicking but you told me you were fine. I drive to where you are. On the North Bound freeway entrance off Center Street in Provo. I see your Landcruiser completely totalled and being towed away. You were sitting in a Cop car filling out lots of paperwork. I started to calm down when I saw you in one piece. Until you tell me what happened.

You were driving the fast lane of the freeway. Another truck swerved into you and pushed you up against the cement wall. The Landcruiser caught some loose gravel and threw you across all 4 lanes of traffic until you flipped between 4-6 times. You said that you're eyes were wide open the whole time you were flying through the air. I think I remember you saying you even laughed to yourself thinking, "Is this really happening?" The car landed on the hood.
You told me that people pulled over to help you and they said that they figured they were going to be pulling a dead man out of the car. Witnesses said that the truck that hit you, pulled over for a second but decided to drive away instead.
You crawled out of the windshield. You declined the offers to go to the E.R. because you felt fine. Only a few scratches and a lost shoe.

It wasn't until the next day when the adrenalin and shock wore off that you felt the full effects of the previous day.

For the next two years:
Bulging Discs, Nerve Damage, Numbness, Muscle Spasms. Debilitating pain 24/7. Physical Therapy, Cortisone injections, weird back contraptions and lots of Icy/Hot. But nothing worked.

January 6th you had back surgery. A Discectomy and a Fusion. It was an amazing feeling to know how many people were praying for you. I could feel each and every prayer. I have never been so nervous and scared for you but I have also never felt so happy for you. This literal Hell was finally over. When you were wheeled into your room, I will never forget the look on your face. In that moment, I knew what it felt like to be needed and loved. You needed me.
You said you instantly felt relief. No more nerve pain.
I loved being with you those days in the hospital. I loved hanging out with you all day. I loved helping you out of bed, helping you into bed, helping you walk, and sleeping in that horribly uncomfortable chair next you bed and holding your hand.
Now you are home. I love being your crutch when you walk laps around the house. You look so cute when you wander around with your cane.

I am so happy that this chapter of our life is closed. I love seeing the old Tyler. You are back.

I love you.

Resistant Resolution

2010-01-04T11:16:00.001-08:00

Only resolution this year.

Get the guy in the kitchen at work to say Hi to me. A year a six months working here and NOT A WORD thrown my way. I even ran into him today to get some kind of reaction.

I almost felt like Patrick Swayze for a minute there.

Don't you hate it when

2009-12-31T09:05:00.000-08:00

You get ready for the day, look at yourself in the mirror and think, "Not bad", but then when you see yourself in the mirror at work or the in the window at the mall and think, "The Apocalypse just happened me".

HGTV vs. Lifetime

2009-12-28T11:18:00.000-08:00

This is a very interesting subject for me seeing how I love these channels. Yet no thoughts are coming to my brain. I think I might be over blogging. Maybe it's because we are closing on our house today and HOUSE HOUSE HOUSE HOUSE is the only thing on my mind. I have been pondering over paint colors for weeks now. I am so indecisive.

I was talking with my mom and brother, Kasey, about this next subject recently.

Being Emo must be really expensive. Multiple body piercings, millions of tattoos, at least a box of black hair color every other month(maybe more if you have blond roots), hair product, and you can't forget the eyeliner/guyliner. But on the other hand, they save a lot of money by wearing the same black hoodie and jeans year round, bi monthly showers, and a soda only diet. So maybe it's not so pricey after all.

I went to the dentist today to get a temporary crown. After I get the permanent one on, it's on to braces. I partially blame my mom for me not having straight teeth now. I think she stopped caring about teeth after Meagan. So maybe I should blame Meagan for burning my mom out. So 50% blame goes to Mom, 50% goes to Meagan. Chase, you can get in on this too since you didn't get braces either.

I got a $25 itunes gift card for Christmas. Best present besides the Cocoa Latte machine.
I need to find some new music. Any ideas? I am listening to Aerosmith's "I don't Wanna Miss a Thing". Wow, that takes me back to sixth grade. Ward dance, Dave Cowely asked me to dance to this song. I thought I died and gone to heaven.

Promptings

2009-12-23T15:44:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been trying to feel the Christmas Spirit all month.
I felt like I was running out of time, Christmas was approaching fast. Then last Sunday happened.
I had missed my sacrament meeting so I went to another ward to take the sacrament. I was sitting in the lobby feeling sorry for myself and thinking about my problems. All it took for my load to lighten and heart to soften was a timid, genuine woman who walked straight up to me and said, "For what it's worth, you look really nice today, I love your stockings."
I could have hugged her and cried like a little child.

I truly love that inspired woman.

$%#@$**@#$&#$@!

2009-12-18T10:45:00.001-08:00

Just found out that we will not be in our new house until AFTER Christmas. All along we were told that there was 99.9% chance that we would be in at least a day before Christmas. The seller is a bit clueless and has been making this process A LOT more complicated than needs be. Us, our agent and the seller's agent have been doing everything we can to accommodate her and her "situation". I'm sick of accommodating. I'm sick of feeling unsettled, uneasy, living out of boxes and worst of all, having no Christmas tree.

It doesn't feel like Christmas without a tree.

I know I am complaining but I don't care. I am angry and upset. Our new closing date is December 30th. Only an 8 day difference, no big deal. Oh, but it is cause that's the weekend that my sister is getting married. How can I move everything into our house, clean and paint AND be there to help my sister like she deserves? I know in the end, things will be fine but right now, I am mad.

I plan things. I envision how things will go and how long they will take. All those mental plans have been royally screwed. Oh and of course since I was so giddy and impatient, I already planned this whole New Year's Eve party. I even made an event and invited everyone on Facebook. I even had a few RSVPs. So much for that. If you were planning on coming. Make new plans...unless you still want to come and help paint. I will provide free bandannas for your hair.

Screw it. I'm getting a tree tonight. And I'm keeping it up until April.

Perspective

2009-12-15T13:14:00.000-08:00

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

Don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it into your future.

The second one hits home lately.

Awwwkwarrrd..

2009-12-09T15:30:00.000-08:00

On second thought, he decided to keep the ring.

99% of the time it works every time

2009-12-04T15:36:00.000-08:00

363 days a year I sleep through the night like a rock. The few times when I do wake up, it's either because of some object I'm laying on, or a weird dream. Last night, it was the WEIRDEST object.

I have a dog who likes to hide things. He loves stealing treasures and "hiding" them for a later date. Countless times I have found Chocolates in corners and under clothes that have been thrown on the floor. He places them there and then he "buries" them the way dogs do when they bury bones in the backyard. Although the carpet doesn't move and the candy stays in plain sight, Toben feels it's secure and undetectable.
What amazes me the most is that this tiny ravenous dog has enough self control to hold him self back from tearing into these treats at that very moment. I like to think he has an eternal perspective on things like this.
Last night I wake up feeling this strange object. Sit up, pull object from sheets, keep eyes closed cause it's pitch black and there's no point in opening them, smell object, realize it's a cookie, think about how sad Toben will be when he returns for dessert and has to go to bed hungry, smile at that scenario playing out in real life, and go back to sleep.

Next night. I am on my knees in front of the couch(this is starting to sound dirty) at eye level with Toben trying to accomplish the nightly task of annoying him. Then he stops. I stop. He has his eyes set on something. He dives into the corner of the couch and pulls out ANOTHER COOKIE! Really? REALLY? Me and Ty are dying laughing as we're trying to get a picture of this steadfast dog teething, yet so delicately clamping down on this cookie as to not crush it.

I'm not even mad.

Happy Thanksgiving from your favorite scarf wearing man

2009-11-25T14:13:00.000-08:00

Deal with it

2009-11-24T10:21:00.000-08:00

I love Thanksgiving. I probably love eating stuffing and candied yams more than most. I am thankful for millions of things. I like Pilgrims and I love Indians. Listening to Christmas music and buying my Christmas tree the week of Thanksgiving does not change any of these things. In no way am I "skipping" Thanksgiving by preparing for Christmas early. I decorate and make my house smell good to bring the Christmas spirit into my home. Cause really, you should be feeling the Christmas love all year round anyway. I can't think of a better way to bring the spirit in than by hearing the Karen Carpenter sing about a man in Tennessee.

If you feel the urge to say something against an early Christmas. Just don't.

Dead

2009-11-23T12:36:00.001-08:00

UPDATE: TURNS OUT IT JUST NEEDED TO BE CHARGED.

I colored my hair to match my mood. Dark. I am in ipod mourning. It died after three magical years together. ipod has accumulated music from various computers over the years and I don't know how to recover this music. Especially since it won't turn on.

Deep depression.

I don't want a new, cool itouch or one that can take pictures. I just want my simple musical companion back. CD's suck so I won't even consider that as an option.

Funeral services will be held today starting now until, well, until I get a new one I guess.

Carrie

2009-11-20T13:06:00.000-08:00

This song gives me goosebumps and makes me bawl every time.

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18

all dressed in white

going to the church that night

she had his box of letters in the passenger seat

A six pence in her shoe

something borrowed, something blue

And when the church opened up wide

she put her veil down trying to hide the tears

oh she just couldn't believe it

She heard the trumpets from the military band

And the flowers fell out of her hand

Baby why'd you leave me

Why'd you have to go

I was counting on forever

Now I'll never know

I can't even breathe

It's like I'm looking from a distance

Standing in the background

Everybody's saying he's not coming home now

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

The preacher man said, "Let's bow our heads and pray"

"Lord please lift his soul and heal this heart"

Then the congregation all stood up and sang

The saddest song that she'd ever heard

Then they handed her a folded up flag

And she held on to all she had left of him

oh and what could have been

Then the guns rang out one last shot

And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Baby why'd you leave me

Why'd you have to go

I was counting on forever

Now I'll never know

I can't even breathe

It's like I'm looking from a distance

Standing in the background

Everybody's saying he's not coming home now

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

Dilemas

2009-11-17T11:13:00.001-08:00

Hey Milk Duds.
Why do you have to be so hard to eat? I don't like candy that taste so good but sticks to my teeth all day. I try to like you but I just don't see us working out. It's not me. It's you.

Yo Yogurt.
I am starving and you are two weeks past expiration. You smell fine but look a little chunkier than normal. I wonder if you taste ok...hmmm, you do. If I am running to the ladies room in an hour, I'll know who to blame.

PO

2009-11-16T15:53:00.001-08:00

Am I the only one who sees something politically incorrect with this sign?

Seems pretty exclusive to me.

Dab

2009-11-12T09:55:00.001-08:00

Nervous sweats are now a thing of the past I declare! I don't know how many chances I have given Secret but I have had it up to here. Secret just plain sucks. Dove was good while it lasted but that's the problem. It didn't last. When I get nervous/embarrassed/center of attention/put on trial/looked at, I go red. Not just a cute blushy shade of pink. This is full on Purple, lose your features RED. Once it starts, there is no controlling it. It usually just get worse because then I start to stress about how red I am getting and how everyone is noticing and how they are starting to feel awkward because they can see how awkward I am. And it doesn't just stop at red. I sweat. Face and pits. I break out in a blotchy mess on my chest. Along with the blotchyness comes an ANNOYING fake laugh to distract people from Tomato face and I end up talking way too much. It's horrible. It's been getting worse lately. No matter what I try or how much I try to control these ridiculous outbursts, nothing works. Until this little dear...

It's still in the first few hours of our trial run together and already

I feel like a new and dry woman.

Oh don't worry. The red, high pitched laugh, word vomit, and face sweats are still EVER

present but this gives me. Hope.

High

2009-11-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

This was on my post-op instructions paper. I don't know what a girl with a hook for hand has to do with Wisdom Teeth but I like it.
Oh this is no big deal

He sure loves me.
Number one reason to go to Dr. McBee

Happy?

The doctor gave me laughing gas before I got my IV. 10 big whiffs of this stuff and I was out.

The doctor prefaced his administering of the sleep medication by saying, "Now for Michael Jackson's drug of choice".

I apparently thought it was hilarious. I also apparently thought waking up from surgery was hilarious. Like 20 minutes of laughing hilarious. Tyler could hear me from the waiting room.

Thoughts on a subject I know zero about

2009-11-05T15:43:00.000-08:00

I think people have a natural tendency to want to touch each other. Bear hugging your mechanic or cuddling with your fellow Macey's shoppers might be a bit awkward; but for the most part, physical touch makes you feel good.
I think when women are pregnant, it gives people an excuse to touch. Like the baby invites family members, strangers and friends to connect.
Most of the current or past pregnant women I know have mentioned or complained about people feeling justified to rub their bellies in any social setting. They feel it is an invasion of privacy. I see their point but I don't think I will mind it.
Humans like to connect and touching is a simple and effective way of doing it. I think if people want to rub my stomach, I will happily let them because to me, that means they want to connect with me. That makes me happy.

Hey Everyone. My little big sister is getting married

2009-11-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

http://soimarriedacanuck.blogspot.com/

Message for the Single Ladies

2009-11-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

If at age 30, he still wears a name tag to work. That's a deal breaker.

Also. Is it wrong that I started listening to Christmas music? Just because it's themed, doesn't mean it's not good all year round.

Stepford

2009-11-02T12:56:00.000-08:00

The only picture from Halloween.

Which is sad because I look really annoying.

2009-10-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

I don't like the word 'deserve'. It implies entitlement.

Who am I to say what I deserve?

Born to be 60

2009-10-29T09:04:00.001-07:00

I love Decades. Vintage Clothing store. Like REAL vintage. Not fake, hiked prices kind of stuff.

I also want to live there.

I want this. Is it cute enough to wear like a normal person?

I found the PERFECT dress for my Stepford costume but I couldn't justify paying $50 for it. Make you could talk me into it??

(Middle one... Or even the pink one.)

Murder in my Gums

2009-10-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

Nail marks from my left hand. Dentist Shots.I currently cannot feel the entire right side of my face.

Oh. Yes. That includes my tongue.

*This picture was taken an hour and a half AFTER the shots were so rudely administered.

2009-10-26T10:10:00.001-07:00

Mirdle. Man-Girdle.

I am not sure how I feel about this. I guess everyone deserves to look good.

I have been loving cruise control lately. Contrary to popular opinion, it can be used for city driving too. And that's where I use it. 25, 35, 45 mph? I don't discriminate.

I am going to be a Stepford Wife for Halloween. Tyler is going to be my Stepford Husband.

I don't know about you but..

2009-10-22T13:46:00.000-07:00

I miss the Spice Girls.

I miss Hanson.

I miss being 12. Except for chubby part. I miss my whole existence revolving around what was going on with these two groups. Watching VH1 all day so I could make sure I saw EVERY SINGLE time their music videos played.Then getting so upset when their videos lost the #1 spot to Paula Cole or Shawn Colvin.

I was in love with Zach the drummer of Hanson. I had convinced myself that if he were to ever meet me, my love would be reciprocated. There was a girl that went to Westridge that was 2 or 3 years younger than us. Me and my friend Michelle Schofield thought she looked just like Zach. Of course we told her. What self respecting 10 year old girl wouldn't want to look like a 12 year old boy? She really hated us. We would chase her all over during recess and ask her dumb questions about dumb things. She really really hated us.

I was also obsessed with Posh Spice. She was perfection in my eyes. When my cousin and I would play Spice Girls, we would fight over who could be Posh. I knew that I was the more loyal fan so I deserved the role of Posh. Her signature pose. Arm extended pointing a sideways gun. Oh yea. I had that down.

Although I was 14 inches shorter and 30 pounds heavier, I felt her spirit burning inside me.

Albertson's trips always ended in the same fashion. Me and Dad in the magazine isle. He with his Airplanes and I with my Tiger Beat. Posters plastered every inch of my wall. In case you're wondering. Yes. I did kiss the posters of Zach. Which is a totally normal thing to do.
Totally.

Not once did my mom tell me how big of an idiot for crying when I saw them on TV I was or how annoyed she was of hearing their cds on repeat in her bedroom through our shared vent. She just let me be simple minded and happy.

I can still sing anyone of their songs by heart.

Although I would NEVER ever go back.
I miss the simple days of good music, Kiwi lip gloss and huge yellow Tommy shirts.

Shmay Shmess Shmell

2009-10-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

We have been looking to buy another car for a few weeks. Of course, first stop. KSL. I think out of 10 emails I have written to get more information on a car, only 1 ad has been legit. Here is a great example. This just happened 2 seconds ago from "Rhonda".

Hello,

First let me thank you for contacting me. The car has no scratches, damages and never suffered accidents. The condition is pristine, original paint, engine runs smoothly. As I already had a previous buyer who made me start all the necessary things to sell it, his loan didn't get approved and now I'm stuck with the car at the shipping company which I have already paid for their services.
I'm working for government and I have dedicated my life to gain this job and now, I want to buy a family car because in 2 months we will have twins. We have made this decision and now we need to sell. It's not simple in a time like this with the cash around the house.The final price is $4,950.00 including shipping in US, and delivery to your home address in hope of a fast sale.So if you decide to buy this car or need further information please get back to me as soon as possible.You need to decide soon, at this price the car is not going to be on the market for long.

Thank you,
Rhonda

My response..I couldn't resist.

1:37 PM
Interesting...
I have received two other emails from sellers stating that they are out of state and need to ship the car to the US.
Must be a trend these days...good luck with the twins..hope you get enough time off from your awesome government job to take care of the babes.

yea

2009-10-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

I just made my own day.

Someone was walking behind me as I was looking through the candy bucket. He asked me to toss them a Milkdud box. He are still walking at this point. And I casually tossed it over my shoulder so perfectly.

And.

He caught it.

It was a harmonious, candy bond between two co-people.

2009-10-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Didn't know they still made these.

2009-10-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

I wonder how mad he gets when someone touches his hair and makes it go fluffy and soft in that section.

Just found out...

2009-10-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

Went to the dentist for the first time in 3 years. I really, really, really hate shots and mouth pain.

Went to Dr. David Lee. Shattered all of my dentist fears. Loved every minute of my trip..except for the part when I learned that I have an abscessed tooth. Not only that, it's been that way for YEARS. What makes it even better is that it's a tooth that I have already had root canal on. How this happens I don't know. But it did and it bites. So I need to start the antibiotics today and I have an appt with the Oral Surgeon on Friday to schedule my surgery. I did not see this coming. Shouldn't I get at least six months to prep for this kind of thing? What if I die during surgery? It's happened before.

Oh and I have to get my Wisdom Teeth pulled. All four. November 6th. I think I am too old for this.

Cool.

So by Thanksgiving, I will be half the woman I am now.

Oh.

I also have cavities. You know when the dentist sticks that pokey tool into your teeth to see if you have a cavity? I really hate that.

Got her done

2009-09-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

This year at the Pendleton Round-Up was...pretty much the same as every other year.

We wouldn't have it any other way.

Walking Main Street
um.
most awkward picuture we have ever taken
Tami's ugly/cutest dog
look how in love we are
they think they are so funny

Church ladies who loved Callin and Kasey

Kasey's foot. My flexed hand.

Mom..being mom, Mark being tall. Meag and Callin being engaged.

Tyler's best friend
Grandma's wall
Open minded community

Portland

Yes. The only reason we went to Portland was for these Donuts.

Voodoo Dolls. Pretzel stabbing into heart

Maple Bacon bar. Yes, real Bacon

Bye.

Beef Bourguinogngngngn

2009-09-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

Saw Julie & Julia twice.
Would have loved it %100 if not for the continuous smacking. Food smacking. Kiss smacking. Dry mouth talk smacking. Oh and we can't forget about the happy gum smacker sitting next to me. So yea, only loved it 97%. Why I loved it? Food. duh. If I was good at cooking, I would have totally gone home and cooked until my eyes fell out. But since I'm not good. I only made peanut butter cookies. But I forgot to do the fork thing on the top of them so it wasn't the same. But really? How hard can cooking be? A little butter here, a whisk or two there. I feel inspired to be good at making food. I want people to eat what I make and cry tears of elated joy. This brings me to my point. I need the tools to be the one to make everyone sob. We don't even have a mixer. So from this point on, all of my extra money will go towards cooking goods. No, that last sentence was a lie.
I don't want to be one of those cooks that when they receive a compliment about their food they brush it off like it was as simple as getting out of bed. "Oh this dish?" "It was just a little bit of Julia Roberts hair and some mermaid scales." Which, in turn, just makes you feel like an idiot. Like any self respecting human should know how to make it. I want to be dramatic and make everyone feel bad for making me slave all week in the kitchen and yet so grateful that they were alive so they could be invited to the heavenly occasion. I think I like baking better which is unfortunate because baking is like science. I don't do science. You have to time things.
Oh and measure things.

I don't do fractions either.

If Tyler ruled the world...

2009-09-24T10:35:00.001-07:00

police officers would not drive cars. They would ride on trains that run along side the road. They clock your speed and use a bow and arrow to send you a ticket. The ticket gets wrapped around the arrow. You know, the kind of arrows with a red suction cup on the end? So they can stick to your window. The cops still partner up. One to shoot the arrow and one to lick the suction cup. They occasionally miss the cars.
They give each other support by saying things like, "Next Time".

We just got back from the Pendleton Round-Up and a trip to Portland.
Pictures might show up here at some point.

Voodoo Donuts.

Goat Cheese Ravioli.

Things like that.

Bored. Friday. Phone pictures.

2009-09-11T09:43:00.001-07:00

Foot head.

Vent.

Ty's back injection party.

uh.

Serving size: 1 big A square
Calories per serving: just say goodbye to your entire wardrobe

Sister Sister

2009-09-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

Funny Girl: Should I go red?

Meagan: Wait until fall.

Funny Girl: So the 21st?

Meagan: haha yes.

Funny Girl: How about this Friday?

Meagan: It just doesn't feel like fall to me.

Funny Girl: Put your feelings about fall aside for a minute. Red or no red?

Meagan: Red.

Funny Girl: hahaha please acknowledge how funny that was.

Meagan: Acknowledged.

But seriously. Acknowledge it.

Also..

If I hear the word 'Salsa' pronounced 'salTsa' one more time....something bad is going to happen. I might eat a chicken nugget or something.

Superficial

2009-09-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

I really need recommendations on where to go to get a spray tan. I know spray tans can be tricky when they aren't done right.
I want it to look good.

2009-09-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

I really am speechless.

It looks like he's getting ready to play a really fun game or something.

He is just so happy to be alive.

Some people were meant to shine.

Want more?

I could do this all day. Ok, I think I will.

Selfless

2009-08-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

I have a new found respect for working mothers. I have taken for granted all of those precious minutes every morning that I take to get ready. Every hour to myself reading. Every bathroom trip and every quiet second to reflect. Tyler and I have been baby sitting his four cousins for the past five days. I have not and will not be taking any days off. So for now, I am a working mom. It's draining.

I actually look forward to going to work so I can have a few hours to think. But. When I'm at work, I just want to be back with the kids. We have 9 days to go. Never have I been more emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted in my life. The kids aren't even hard. It's probably more in my head than anything. Worrying about if they will make it to school on time, keeping their bellies full, their faces smiling and most of all, keeping them alive.

This experience has also shed some light on the man I though I knew...

We have been together 5 years. In this small window of time, I thought I really knew him. What makes him happy, mad, sad etc. There is always something to learn. From the very first day, I noticed a change in Tyler.

He is the happiest I have ever seen him.

When one child is crying, one child is yelling and the other two are making the Tazmanian Devil look like a little lamb, Tyler is smiling his perfect smile and laughing his contagious, squinty-eyed laugh.

I don't get it.

He should be stressed out, pulling his hair out, curled up in a corner. Stressed.

Not Tyler.

He always seems to find the perfect thing to say to help each and every situation. The kids love him and he loves them. It's hard NOT to notice.

I sit back and watch him be him.

My chambered heart bursts with love.

BIG NEWS

2009-08-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

Please note that Saladsforlife will be out of comission in 3 days. You can now listen to my nonsensicals at

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loversandtreehugger.blogspot.com

Make the change or else. Nothing. Just do it.

Short Thoughts

2009-08-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

Since having this new hair, or lack of, I have noticed some things.
When I get ready for the day, 5 times out of ten have to change outfits because that particular choice doesn't go with short hair. Like today. I started off wearing a sweater vest. A month ago it would have looked fine because the length of my hair made me look fun and carefree and that counteracted the business style of the vest. Now the short do' just adds to the business style and I can't look too professional cause than I just look uptight.

Second and biggest observation I have noticed is how every single man has reacted to my hair. I have been confronted by many men at work that decide it's their civic duty to tell me that they liked my long hair better...why? Why men, why?! All of a sudden they have an opinion?
How am I supposed to respond when they tell me this?

Thanks? I'll start growing out again? Sorry that I disappointed you?

It's just a phase I'm going through?

I just end up just getting mad because for a second I feel like I have to explain myself to them. I hate explaining my actions to people. So...naturally this gets me thinking. Why do men like long hair so much? This is my theory...
When men think of their ideal woman, they think of a young woman. Young woman are girls in high school. Most high school girls have long hair. High school girls are fun, spontaneous, and peppy. Woman, if they decide cut their hair, it's once they have a family and children. Things start to slow down in the fun, and spontaneous area.
long hair=young, peppy
short hair=old, boring
So now, when men tell me that they liked my hair better when it was long, I just get creeped out because what they're really thinking is, "Man, I really like high school girls."

Last observation. Having long hair doesn't mean it looks good on you. Woman get caught up in thinking that they have to have long hair to be pretty and feminine. Not the case. If you have the right style that frames and flatters your face, it will make you look better than long hair ever could. I think maybe woman have the same thought as men. They need to keep their long hair cause that's what they had in high school and that's when they looked their best.

People change! Your hair should too!

yes

2009-08-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

Organic Girls is up. My article should be posted within this next week.

wooohoo!

Jode-Man

2009-08-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

When some one tries to tell mom what to do, her famous phrases are:

"I'll decide" and "Don't tell ME"

Mom loves to sing and dance along with her trusty ipod. She often times sings to strangers. Most of the time it is while she is in the middle of a Coheed & Cambria or an Incubus song.... I'm surprised she hasn't been called into the bishop's office yet.

She loves to talk with her hands when she is describing things. Her favorite word to describe anything is 'very'.

(imagine sprinkle fingers)

"Very juicy" "Very Moist" "Very Delicate"

She once mooned the Mail Man just for a good laugh.

Mom detests love stories, sappy love movies and love books. She gags at the thought of watching people confess their love and kiss and cry all in one movie. Me and Meagan had to DRAG her into the movie 'My Sister's Keeper'. It really was a 20 minute power struggle. She gave in but of course, would not shed a tear. All she needs are a few explosions and some gun shots and she is a happy woman... I guess that means my love of Lifetime movies come from my grandma Medonich.

When mom cooks, she makes us ooooohh and aahhhh through the whole meal to show our satisfaction.

She won't put up with "Bad Signage" for garage sales. She also hates driving while we are garage sailing. I think all the turning and starting and stopping confuses her.

She will not be caught dead playing silly, fun group games like Charades and Pictionary.

She acts tough and untouchable but she is really just a very skinny, attractive Teddy Bear.

Mom we love you.

Love,

Coco and Meg

Beaut

2009-08-05T11:22:00.001-07:00

Look how good I look. I promise this picture wasn't planned. I always look this good.

**Pictures courtesy of Meagan Henson and her iphone**
The true color is better represented in the first few pictures. Thanks for helping sister Meagan. Thank you Mom for talking me out of leaving the flower applique on the drawer despite Meag's best efforts. Thank you dad for letting us live at the shop and eating Zub's with us.

Paint Fumes

2009-08-04T14:41:00.001-07:00

Yard sale. $25. Me likey.

Hi.

Finished product coming in due time. Or tomorrow.

p.s. can almonds go stale?

Surrender, no. Please?! FINE.

2009-08-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

The plea has been plead. Tyler asked me to stop being so sarcastic all the time. Apparently it hurts his feelings. If I didn't love him so much I would call him a baby. But I won't.

This is like asking me to stop breathing or eating or watching Lifetime! Oh man. How does one change a way of thinking? A way of life?! *breathe Courtney*

If I don't have sarcasm, what do I have? I'll tell you.

Niceness and vulnerability. Hard pill to swallow.

I am now asking for your help. Please verbally slap me if you hear me saying anything even potentially sarcastic.

I REALLY REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!

p.s. my anti-sarcasm starts and ends with Tyler. I will still be the same cynical person here.

Blessed with Nothing

2009-07-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I have always associated being blessed with receiving things. Until recently.

It just hit me today that me and Tyler have been blessed by NOT getting what we want.

For the past year, we have been toying with the idea of buying a house. We started looking, planning, and saving(kind of). The market has been so good and it would be such a great time to buy. Along with the hope and excitement of possibly being home owners, came the stress and anxiety. Would we be able to afford everything that goes along with owning? What if one of us loses our job? Do I want to work once I have babies? Will I HAVE to work? Will Tyler mow the lawn? Lots of questions.

I needed to build my credit in order for us to even qualify for a home loan. I applied for a credit card. Got denied because I have no credit. I started to get a little frustrated(apparently it doesn't take much for me to give up).

We stopped house hunting and that's when I realized something.

I don't need a house. I don't need added stress and debt. I am just fine with renting. All we need is somewhere to sleep, eat and make glorious memories. It's even kind of fun to make bets on if our land lord hates more than she did last week.

More rooms and more land won't make us any happier.

After we stopped looking was when I finally felt peace and calm.

It's not the right time and I am so glad that I recognized that.

Not having a home feels good.

For the past eight months we have been trying to get pregnant. Once you have the yearning, it doesn't go away. You feel like there is some piece of you heart missing. You always think that when you're ready for kids it will just happen cause that's what you're made to do. It's really really hard to know that it doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to everyone around me. I can make you feel like there is something wrong with you. It can make you resent and covet and not be happy for those around you who have kids. Those are ugly feelings that I hate having. It really tries your faith and your willingness to submit to the will of the Lord. Somethings cannot be controlled by me. Every so often something happens that makes me realize we are blessed to not have a baby right now. Through this struggle I have come to want children for such different reasons than I did inititally. Which I know was supposed to happen. I have such a different outlook on motherhood all together. I know that we will be able to have children someday. When it's right for US.

It's so strange to think that there is someone that knows our situation even better than we do. But it's true. I didn't learn this until I was forced to learn it. I am so glad I know it now.

I love the church so much I could cry right now! But I won't. Cause I'm at work.

Commoners

2009-07-29T15:14:00.001-07:00

You know when you're talking to someone and they are trying to explain their friend that they want you to meet? This is what happens in my head.

person: oh my gosh, I can't wait for you to meet my friend. You will just love her. She is soo cute and funny.

my brain: why would I want to meet a girl that is cuter or funnier than ME?

You know when your teacher in Young Women's tell you to make a choice ahead of time that you're not going to drink alcohol or get pregnant outside of marriage?
I usually decide ahead of time that I don't like things when people tell me that I will love them.

54 Attempts

2009-07-27T20:11:00.001-07:00

Not Victoria. But who needs her when you have Court?

I guess you have to say you love it cause it's not like I can just wind my arm and make the hair grow back.
Kristy Henderson, you're a hair goddess.

Idiot?

2009-07-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

Doin' this today at 3. Minus the hieroglyphics.

I am freaking out

Saturday. Saturdaaay. Saturday.

2009-07-21T19:34:00.001-07:00

How would I sum up my summer? Yard Sales.
My personal style takes a hit or two but my butt thanks me.

My Ty

2009-07-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

pulled up to a car that was playing the new Jason Mraz cd

Me: aww Jason!
Ty: How come he never comes here for concerts?
Me: He does. Don't you remember he came like 2 months ago and I couldn't go?
Ty: Oh yea. Didn't you cry? haha

Sweetie Pie

Best

2009-07-14T13:23:00.001-07:00

PROVO -- Provo police arrested a man who is accused of attacking a woman at her yard sale last Friday.
According to the Deseret News, police say the man grabbed the woman's hair, pulled her head backward, then kissed and licked the woman's face. They say he also tried to pour Gatorade in her mouth. A police affidavit claims he fondled her as she tried to get away.
The woman ran into her apartment near 500 North and 100 East and locked the door. She says the man followed her and tried to get in. She grabbed a gun and called for help.
When officers arrived, Jeronimo Sanchez-Tolentino, 44, said he didn't touch the woman except for giving her a high five.
He was arrested and booked into the Utah County Jail on charges of sex abuse and intoxication.

hahaha hive five, really? Good cover story man. hahahahahaahha

Bruised Knees

2009-07-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

Why is it such a big deal when I show up to work with shorts on? They're not even short. They're total Mormon shorts. Do my knees really attract that much attention? This happened today. Just found out what 'Mrs' stands for. It's short for mistress which is the feminine word for mister.
I wrote my first article for the "Organic Girls" blog. I'll make sure to tell everyone when it gets posted because I love the attention. Make sure to only tell me how good and funny I am. I went up to Salt Lake to hang out with Steff last weekend and it just made me realize how much I love Provo. Yes, it's a bubble and we are so very sheltered, but I like being sheltered. What good comes out of being exposed to all that is evil and dirty? I like to feel safe. Who wouldn't? But then I started thinking, we are only sheltered if we want to be. We went to Denny's to get fake breakfast and I saw a homeless guy eating. It scared me and grossed me out and made me hold my breath and made me not want to eat anymore. I know that's mean but it's true. I like seeing people that have homes. It's just better for everyone.

One day my kids will appreciate this

2009-07-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

FILL IT OUT! Learn 49 things about your friends, and let them learn 49 things about you!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes, any cheese is good cheese. Unless it's head cheese.

2. Your Favorite Shoes? All of them

3. Do you own a gun? One day.

4. Your favorite song? At the moment. 'Details in the Fabric' by Jason Mraz.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Always. It's that dang "doctor" smell.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they are green before they dye them red. Veggie dogs though...great.

7. Favorite Christmas song? 'Mary did you know?' by Clay Aiken

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Wa wa

9. Can you do push ups? yes

10. Are you afraid of flying? No. I love airport smell.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Wedding ring.

12. Favorite hobby? people

13. Animals: love them or hate them? Are you kidding? You don't know me at all.

14. Do you have ADD? One time I took one of Tyler's pills to stay awake but it just calmed me down.

15. What do you hate about yourself? red face, nervous sweating, awkwardness

16. What is your middle name? J.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I love music, I wanted those yams, I have 80's curls

18. What's your favorite number? 5

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? wawa, Odwala, Fuze

20. Current worry right now? getting preg

21. Current hate right now? people with babies

22. Favorite place to be? in bed with Ty.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? Guitar Hero and Nate Jepson.

24. Where would you like to go? a rodeo

25. Name three people who will complete this? I don't care

26. Do you own slippers? duh

27. What shirt are you wearing? black lace

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? sick.

29. Can you whistle? no, my biggest failure in life

30. Favorite color? that's like picking a favorite child.

31. Would you be a pirate? in a second

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? why would I do that?

33. Favorite girl's name? Can't say. People like to steal names.

34. Favorite boy's name? did you not see question 33?

35. What's in your pocket right now? my pocket

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Debbie Wawro

37 . Best bed sheets as a child? Rainbow Bright

38. Worst injury you've ever had? one time I burnt both sides of my face in the exact same spot with a curling iron. In the same curl session.

39. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1

40. Who is your loudest friend? Steff

41. How many dogs do you have? 1, but he's more of a deer/Master Splinter.

42. Does someone have a crush on you? who doesn't

43. Favorite Book? After I get done reading a book, I forget everything about it. But I do love them in the moment.

44. Partying hard or Laying low? Partying low

45. What is your favorite candy? Circus Peanuts

46. Favorite Sports team? you know I don't speak spanish

47.What were you doing 12 AM last night? in bed with Tyler

49. If you are married, where did you meet your WIFE/HUSBAND? I met him when I was in 8th grade. He was my best friend's sister's boyfriend. He came running in Dixon after school to beat up her boyfriend. Love at first sight.

No car, no cry

2009-07-08T08:03:00.001-07:00

We made it. We finally made our LAST payment on that stupid, break down every second, burning hot leather seats Volkswagen Jetta. I thought that thing would be the death of me. We are slaves to that thing no longer. I can't tell you how good that feels. Yes I can. It feels dang good. DANG good. Oh and you know how it took me like 3 years to pay off my Victoria's Secret card? Yeah, well it did. I got that card when I was 18 and I only bought a 'Pink' jacket and sweats. Yeah, 3 years. But I finally paid it off a few weeks ago.
I am a debt free woman. Dang good.

Beggers can't be choosers

2009-07-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the big field next to our house(Miss Giles basement) watching the fireworks. The fireworks would go off, and I could hear people at the MTC field cheering and clapping.

It made me think that the Stadium is like the royal kingdom and the rest of us are like the poor, lowly peasants eating the scraps.

Jarman is the New Black

Deets. Lowdown. FYI.

This ridiculous obsession with love

FOR THE RECORD..

the fine line between damn and thanks

at least I can't do this

big pills are harder to swallow

shiny body stuff

great folks

uncontrolled happy

Something smells fishy.

The baby loves this possibly more than me

Original Scent

just call me Michael Moore

status: happy

calling all woah-men

something cool

so

Couldn't have said it better

goo gee gaa gyyy

how to strengthen your marriage

walking can be fun

to the beat ya'll

Post Op

Yoga! Toga! Toga!

CCSVI

Weaknesses of the Flesh

Thank You

November 4

pass the homemade granola

Timing isn't everything. It's only timing.

Trash

SALTsa

At least I got free crepes

Thank Ye

Big News!!

Don't mess with the Zohan

Hot Heat

Who needs college when you have a mind like mine?

Miss Me?

GO HERE! Somewherebetweenfateandchance.blogspot.com.. You will see life so different. Good different. DO IT NOW.

Heeeeey. my phone won't let me put my curser in the "text" box. So I will improvise. Before ad after pics of house to come sooner than later

Life Size Barbie

My Ty

Resistant Resolution

Don't you hate it when

HGTV vs. Lifetime

Promptings

$%#*@*$**@#$&*#*$@!

Perspective

Awwwkwarrrd..

99% of the time it works every time

Happy Thanksgiving from your favorite scarf wearing man

Deal with it

Dead

Carrie

Dilemas

PO

Dab

High

Thoughts on a subject I know zero about

Hey Everyone. My little big sister is getting married

Message for the Single Ladies

Stepford

Born to be 60

Murder in my Gums

I don't know about you but..

Shmay Shmess Shmell

yea

Just found out...

Got her done

Beef Bourguinogngngngn

If Tyler ruled the world...

Bored. Friday. Phone pictures.

Sister Sister

Superficial

Selfless

BIG NEWS

Short Thoughts

yes

$%#@$**@#$&#$@!